Behind These Castle Walls
by BeautyIsHerName
Summary: Everyone thinks that I have it all but it's so easy living behind these castle walls. Pressures and insecurities cause Katie to return to her old ways. Krew, Drianca, EClare, Kulian...and many others *Disclaimer* PLEASE REVIEW!
1. Behind These Castle Walls

Behind these Castle Walls

TI ft. Christina Aguilera

Chapter 1

…..

_As I walk these halls, I hide my tears…my emotional scars …behind every smile…behind my bitter remarks. I am respected yet feared. I have everything, and it is still not enough. What I want can not be attained: Perfection. All my life I have put this immense amount of pressure on myself to succeed…but it is never enough…I am never enough._

Katie closed her eyes as tears fell on her assignment. She tried to stop them; she tried to be strong, but no matter how hard she tried…they wouldn't stop. She couldn't let people see her like this…the Queen Bee of Degrassi. She didn't even know how much she was harboring until she began writing.

Ms. Dawes looked at Katie writing her assignment. She noticed how her tears streamed down her face. All she wanted was for her students to write a personal reflection essay. She didn't think the assignment would bring her to the brink of despair. She noticed how the young girl would try to discreetly wipe her eye…as if something was in it.

"Katie, can I please see you outside." Ms. Dawes asked quietly touching her shoulder. "Class continue working."

"Sure…." Her voice became hoarse as she took a deep breath. Her eyes were more than likely red now. Her mask was falling.

"I am a little bit concerned about you Katie. You are a brilliant student, but…is student president to stressful for you?"

"No!" She exhaulted. "I mean…no…its not…" She said in a calmer manner. No one would take this away from her. She worked so hard to accomplish this.

"I understand if it is…you have college interviews and finals…sometimes our body needs a break." Ms. Dawes noticed the mixture or worry and frustration on her face.

Katie knew she was right, but she was fine. All of this would help her in the long run. This was a test for her…a test she would overcome.

"Those tears have been kept inside a while. I can tell. You can go talk to…."

"I don't need to talk to ." She said tartly. "Not to be rude, but I am fine. Can I go to the bathroom?"

"….Yes…make it quick." Ms. Dawes watched her walk off. She could only help those that wanted help.

…

Drew knew Katie was unhappy…but he didn't know what he could do to help her. Every time he tried to talk, she would shut him done. She would put up this wall he couldn't get through. Maybe he was doing something wrong.

He was letting Bianca get to close. He knew this, but she had to understand he was trying to do the right thing. Bianca had no family. She had no one.

"Let me guess, Ms. Pres is having one of her fits…and she says Clare is the drama queen." Bianca walked up to his locker as the bell rang.

"Not this again B. I like her." He said rolling his eyes at her usual comments.

"I know you do….but a person can only be shut out for so long." Bianca hated seeing Drew look like this. It was the look of defeat...but she held her tongue as they walked to class.

…

Unbeknownst to many, Julian was trying his hardest to help people…not hurt them. As he became a senior, he realized the same things didn't interest him…parties, girls, being popular. He had too many things to focus on at home….but he did want to make his last year memorable…

And this idea was just about as good as any. Walking to the Student Council room, he knocked on the door.

"Hey newspaper girl….I have…." Julian said stopping midway in his sentence. He had never seen Katie like this before. Her eyes red and her hair a little disheveled. Someone had a long night of studying.

"ummmmmm….Never mind…I'll just talk to you later." He stated.

"Yeah…that's best." She sharply said embarrassed that someone saw her in this state as she tried to finger comb her hair. She knew Julian would tell Drew…but what's the use. Bianca would just get in the way.

This was the price of perfection. This is what it cost to be the best and to be envied by others. She thought as she walked in the bathroom stall. The linoleum toilet was all she needed to make her troubles go away.

_Flashback_

_She hated when her mother drove them to school. She would try to tune her out, but she couldn't. She hated hearing about her mother's glory days. It made her realize how she would never measure up to anything._

"_You know those applications won't fill themselves out…..Banting is going to be so wonderful for you. I remember how I was on the Dean's List every semester….." Her mother chirped away._

"_Mom…can we please talk about something less bland." Maya asked rolling her eyes….for Katie's sake. Katie turned her head smiling to her in the back seat._

"_What can be more fun than college….networking….making something of your life? Katie has great potential. I can actually see you doing more than I did. You won't have any time for boys." Her mother stated seriously._

"_Mom….that's impossible…you were president of your sorority, and your honor society…and almost everything else…besides Drew isn't the problem." The queen bee tried to make her mother listen. What was the point?_

"_Then why else have you been in the clouds lately….before you know it…you will be in college…you can't let relationships get to you." Her mother said with as she dropped her off. She didn't even say goodbye._

"_Don't let her get to you." Maya rubbed her back._

Everyone saw her as their backbone…but where was hers? Who would be there for her when she needed it?

"Just breathe…just breathe." She tried to ignore her inner voice telling to throw it all up. She closed her eyes hoping she would have the courage to leave the bathroom, but she could not. It teased her…the toilet was making her relive her heartache and pain.

Gripping her hair, she began to raise the toilet seat…

"Sis…." Katie immediately stopped. One more second and she would have done it.

"Maya…?" She came out the stall washing her hands ignoring her little sister's concerned face.

"You did it didn't you?" Maya asked. She knew her sister. She hated their parents for forcing them into this lifestyle. She was the rebellious one, but Katie was always the aggressive over- achiever. She wanted to make their parents proud.

"No I didn't….it just gives me peace at time. Don't worry about me. Enjoy your first year." The two hugged as they walked out. Katie couldn't tell her she was about to. She couldn't disappoint her little sister.

…..

Bianca wanted Drew happy…even if it was not with her. That was what the true definition of love was. But the other part of her knew that Katie was all wrong for him. What made her even hate the situation more was that underneath it all, she liked Katie. She really did.

She was a little high-strung…but overall a good person with good intentions. They were both strong in two different ways. Katie was driven by her need to succeed; Bianca was driven by her need to survive.

Her life was going well with Vince in prison. It was good waking up and not having to cover up bruises by the time she got to school. It was good to wake and look forward to the day ahead.

Putting her books inside her locker, she noticed Alli walk by…

"Backwoods Bhandari…." She said as Alli was about to cry. She wasn't wrong to judge…especially with her track record…but she could never do that to someone she called a friend.

As they say, old habits die hard.

…..

Katie sat in the SC office collecting her thoughts. She almost gave in. she did…and the sick part about it was that she wanted to give in. She wanted to make all of this go away. Drew thought it was him….it was everything….it is everything…she felt that if she screamed no one would hear her. She needed saving but she didn't know what from.

Grabbing the manila folder, she looked through it at her and Marisol's upcoming events. Of course, parties were the only thing on her agenda. As for her, she wanted to do anything to raise money for charities. But how could she help others if she couldn't help herself.

Walking over to the file cabinet, she winced in pain rubbing her knee. How could she have been so irresponsible at the cabin with Marisol?

"You need to go see a doctor for that?" Julian walked inside the office as she looked at him with confusion.

"This is my study period and Drew told me I could mostly find you here."

"I'm fine." She became irritated putting up the folder. Julian noticed this. He wasn't one who usually held his tongue, but he would let her attitude slide this time.

"I wanted to run an idea by you." He put his hands in his pockets.

"No….Drew has already tried…" She tried to dismiss him.

"You don't even know what I'm going to ask." He rolled his eyes at her. This was why he kept his distance from her…because she thought she knew everything.

"Let me guess…fighting." Katie walked back to her desk organizing him. She had better things to do.

"….yeah…but wrestling…..donations for wrestling tournaments….legal loophole."

"I don't do loopholes….Simpson wouldn't buy it anyway. Look I'm not trying to be snarky but today is not a good day for me."

"It never is…." Julian walked out slamming the door as Katie made an awkward step…making her knee hurt again.


	2. Stop & Stare

Stop and Stare

OneRepublic

….

Maya didn't know how Marisol would respond to her talking to her in public. At home they were friends, but here she was a Freshman talking to a Senior. She should know more about Katie than her best friend. But she knew Katie didn't want to destroy what she thought of her.

She always envied her big sister for being so beautiful and sure of herself. She remembered the first time she heard her throw up. She pretended it never happened. Not Katie…not her big sister. But it was so.

She hated how her sister hurt herself and how little Drew tried to help. She heard about his reputation. He was the hottest guy at Degrassi but also one who ran away. But he didn't run away from Bianca…so why Katie.

"What's on your mind sweetie?" Marisol passed her in the halls.

"Katie…I'm scared she's going to start again." Maya frowned.

"WE won't let that happen…."The senior held her hand.

"But you know how she can hide it so well…..when she gets stressed, Bianca and Drew, and her knee….."

"Her knee hasn't healed yet." Marisol asked.

"No….."

…

"Breathe Katie…." She kept repeating in her head. Her knee would get better. This was her ticket to Nationals…to college….her future as a professional. Rubbing it gently, she began to pray it would heal.

It seemed as if everything was going so well. She won class president. Drew became her boyfriend…those were only short term goals. They didn't mean that much to her as her knee. Her ability to play. She tried hiding it but the pain was unbearable. How would her parents react to this confession? Reaching in her drawer, she pulled out some Bengay…rubbing it gently on her knee. This would dull the pain for a little while longer.

…

"Katie has to be pissed about you hanging out with B like that." K.C. asked as they ate lunch.

"Why can't I have both the girlfriend and the best friend?" Drew asked sipping his drink. Katie trusted him. He had Bianca under control. Not that she was his to control…

"You can't have both." Dave stated as he watched Alli from afar. Their eyes met but she turned her head.

"Take it from someone who knows. You can't have your cake and ice cream." K.C. finished seeing Jenna pass him without speaking.

He cared for Katie, but he felt as if he was playing both sides of the fence. He knew she would understand why he and B were close. She has no one else. Now that his family understood her lifestyle, they accept her. She was finally being accepted for who she was.

….

To others fighting may seem beligerant…but to him it is an art…a stress reliever. No one knew why he did it. They didn't need to. It was his business. How could Drew be in a relationship with such a pretentious stuck up…..he wasn't going to finish the thought.

He thought his idea would be a good charity idea. Who doesn't like to see a good fight? Katie just lied so she could get her way. Walking the halls, he saw someone who could definitely get the message out…..

"Turner you got to help me get this idea out." Julian stated standing against the locker.

"It's a good idea…but you know anything I put out on air has to be approved by Student Council…"

"Katie doesn't listen…she's so….."

"Julian she isn't that bad…she just wants to be effective…." Dave said.

"Well your girlfriend is in there….see if you can…"

"We're not together anymore." He said bitterly as the bell rang.

…

"Please don't tell mom and dad about my knee." Katie asked as they got out of Marisol's car. Her best friend tried to bring it up but as always Katie dismissed the conversation.

"I won't….but you have to promise you have to see the doctor."

"I can't now…I have too much to do….college applications, homework, SC….."

"You can work on that later. You need a break…maybe if you told mom and dad about your belim….."

"They wouldn't understand…they would just keep preaching about how pain is weakness leaving the pain." She cried as Maya tried to hug her.

"Don't hug me….." Katie walked to her room. Maya hated how her sister closed her off like this.

…

Alli began tying up loose ends in the office. Where was Sav when she needed him? Phone calls helped but she missed her brother. What would he say if she told him Dave hooked up with another girl? What would he say if she told him she kissed Clare's boyfriend?

She and Dave were just alike. They couldn't live with or without each other. They kept making mistakes. One step forward…two steps back. It wasn't as if hearing his voice on the radio helped…or seeing him in the lunchroom…his eyes…his….ughhhhhhhhhh

She missed…..

"Hey Alli, Katie left without me." Drew said simply.

"Yeah…sorry….she has been a little bit off lately."

"I know…I've been trying to help…I call, she won't answer." Drew said with defeat.

"Make her listen…and stop choosing Bianca over her….." Alli stated.

…..

"Katie…..our friend Mr. Chandler believes he can get you a free scholarship at Banting University. Isn't that wonderful?" Her mother walked into her bedroom.

"Are you sick sweetie?" The business woman sat on her bed.

"I'm just overwhelmed…."Katie began as she sit up..

"Katie life is all about priority and balance. You must learn these skills."

"Sure mom…."She held back tears as her mother dismissed her.

…

Dave knew she had nothing to say to him as he walked in the room. How could he let that one girl mess up the one and only girl he ever wanted…always will want. He worked so hard to assure her and he tossed it away. He wished he could take back that night….that drunken night.

She continued to ignore him as he tried to explain himself.

"Look I'm sorry ok…it was a mistake. I love you." Alli cried at his words.

"How dare you say that? You gave that girl something you can never get back….."

"Isn't that how you felt about Johnny?" Dave asked.

"Don't you dare turn this on me!" She cried

"I'm not…but I'm coming to you as a man telling you I miss you. I will do anything to make it up to you. I want you. Please give me another…."

"No…..I'm done giving second chances." She said looking at him for him to leave…and he did.  
>…<p>

Maya was going to help her sister. This was breaking Katie…and she didn't want to admit it. It was not in Katie's nature to do so. Walking in her room, she found her laying on the bed crying. Taking off her shoes, she laid on the bed cradling her sister….giving her the comfort she needed.


	3. Somewhere Only We Know

Somewhere Only We Know

Keane

Chapter 3

….

Katie cried even harder as she woke up to find her sister, holding her. She didn't want Maya to see her like this. She didn't want anyone to see her like this. Looking at her nightstand, her phone vibrated….Drew none the less.

_Wanna Ride?_

She did need to spend time with him. He was her boyfriend….but to be honest…she was losing him just like she was losing herself.

Bianca always knew the right things to say…the right thing things to do…..she….

"Was that Drew?" Maya asked rubbing her eyes.

"Yeah…he wants to take me to school. Thanks again…for taking care of me…." Katie kissed her cheek.

"What are sisters for? I can take the bus" She said as they began to get ready.

…..

"Thanks for taking me B" Adam said as they hopped into her car. It was breaking her heart knowing that Drew was around Katie…but it is his choice. She would have to deal with it. She was just grateful to be in the Torres' family. Things are still a little bit sketchty between Drew's mother and she, but it was better than before.

"I hope he and Katie get back on the right track." Adam said adjusting his radio.

"…..Me too."

"You're lying Bianca….." Adam stated looking at her.

"….Yeah I am….." She stopped at the light. Over the summer, Adam became like her own brother."I'm torn…I don't want him because he is better off without me but I do want him because I am not better off without him."

"I don't know what to tell you B." Adam stated as they got out of the car.

"I know…but thanks for listening." She said.

…

"I know me hanging around Bianca bugs you out….but I want you to know that I care for you. I want to be with you." Katie only listened.

Would it be hard for him to grasp the concept that relationships aren't the only thing that mattered? He did have the right to feel as of that is the reason. She had her feelings locked up for so long that she didn't know how to release them…throwing up was her refuge.

"I know….I'm not worried about her." She said thankful that they pulled up into the parking lot. Getting out her car, she rolled her eyes as she saw the biggest drama queen on campus walk up to her.

"Please don't talk to me." She whispered as Clare closed Jake's truck door.

"So Katie….I was wondering if I could maybe…apply to be editor of the newspaper.?" Clare ran up to her….biting her lip afraid of her reaction.

"Well hello to you too." Katie said sarcastically. The girl didn't give her a minute to get out of the car.

"Are you serious? You only have been there for like what 5 weeks….." Clare backed away as she saw her displeased facial expression. "I'll just go now."

"Please do….." Katie said as Drew put his arm around her shoulder.

"I need to go use the bathroom." Katie said as she kissed Drew…Bianca just happened to be in front of them.

….

"I'm a good writer Jake….people actually like my work." Clare said upset.

"You're great….she's just testy….that's it." Jake said as Bianca walked by. Why was the newspaper important to her anyways?

"Clare….."

"Jake" Bianca said with displeasure as he walked off rolling his eyes.

"Alli kissed him….no need for that attitude" Clare defended him.

"He could have pushed her back." Bianca exclaimed drinking her water.

"We were both at a weak point." Clare rationalized.

"Ok so why did you not forgive Alli? Ask yourself this. Would he have broken away if you hadn't have come?" Bianca walked off leaving Clare behind.

…

He was popular, but he had so much to hide. Julian would never tell his secret. He would never open up to anyone. Part of the reason why he would never tell was because if he opened up his mouth, and the words rolled out, that would make it real.

He fought because it was a distraction…a distraction to his life. He didn't want to face being alone. He didn't want to face…

"Watch where you're going….." he said purposely with rudeness as Katie bumped into him on her way to the bathroom. As usual Marisol was right behind her. Were lip glosses so important?

…

Katie hated this feeling…it was the feeling that could only be taken away by this. The pit in her stomach erupting. The voices in her head were telling her to do it. The toilet was tantalizing her….gauking at her….making her want to…..she needed to do this….but she had to fight it.

Putting the top down, she sat on it…clutching her feet to her chest, she cried. This time not stopping the tears.

_You have to be the best._

_Second place won't do._

_This family is made up of winners_.

"Shut up…shut up…shut up…" She screamed at her parents inside her head. Fiona washed her hand overhearing the mental breakdown of her classmate. Walking to the stall, she tapped on the door.

"Are you ok sweetie?" Fiona asked. Katie scolded herself. Why didn't she check to see if anyone else was in here? She was so dumb. She couldn't do anything right. Wiping her eyes…gaining her composure…she walked out.

"Yeah I'm fine…." She said putting some gloss on her lips. Fiona didn't believe her.

"Hey babe…are you sure you are ok?" Marisol asked busting through the door.

"I'm fine alright….we can't be attached 24/7 Mar." Katie said her in a curt manner.

"Sorry for caring." She walked out hurt. Katie didn't mean to snap at her like that.

"Sure you are ok?" Fiona asked as the Queen Bee rolled her eyes walking out.

….

"You give her too much credit." Adam said as they sat at the picnic.

"Why is that?" Drew said as they had one of their talks. Though he was older, Adam had the knowledge of an old man. He was wise beyond his years.

"It's like you think Katie can handle any and every situation….and when you talk about it with her….its like its not even a conversation."

"I do talk to her." Drew sipped his coffee.

"Are you sure? Everytime you bring up Bianca's name….maybe its something else."

"Like what? I mean she can handle anything and everything." Drew said with exaggeration.

"…so well that she was bulimic….."Adam said as his brother huffed. No matter what, he would always be the inconsiderate bad guy.

….

"Julian come in. How are you and your grandfather?" Principal Simpson asked. If Ms. Pres/ Ms. Perfect wouldn't listen to him, he would go to someone who would.

"Good." He said sitting in the office chair.

"Remember, Suave' is available any time…."

"I know…but what I wanted to talk about a good way to make money for charity…."

"Go on…."

"It has to do with fighting….but only wrestling…I was thinking the wrestling team could put on shows for students and they give donations to see." Julian finished. He knew Simpson was a good guy. No matter what the answer was, he would respect the guy.

"Wrestling matches huh….and Coach Armstrong would be the referee." Simpson was enthused.

"I will see. I just wanted to know how you felt about the idea….."

"I think it's great….talk to him and get back to me later." Julian smiled as he walked out of the room. He had to tell Drew this.

…..

Jake felt sorry for what he did to Alli and Clare's relationship….only because he was a coward. He should have told Clare the truth, the only reason the two kissed was because they both wanted to forget…..forget everything.

"Stay away from me Jake….." Alli said as he made his way towards her in the lunch line. "Want to lie on me some more."

"I want to apologize. I'm sorry." He said as Alli kept hostilely putting food on her tray.

"I'm responsible too. I know that…but it's just the simple fact. I can never get back what I had. Please go away." Alli said as Mo walked up them.

"Alli is this guy giving you a problem."

"No…he was just leaving." Alli looked at him to leave.

…..

"Are you serious?" Owen asked. He was still sad about Anya not being there with him. But they always kept in touch. He needed this pick me up.

"Yeah…Simpson's all for it." Julian could not wait to rub this in Katie's face…and now was a good time as he saw her and Drew walk down the halls together..

"Drew….guess what….Simpson likes the idea?"

"O man." They did their handshake. Katie said nothing as she folded her arms….walking off.

"Man what's her problem?" Julian asked knowing…laughing inside.

"I don't think she even knows most of the times." Drew said looking at her.


	4. Somewherepart 2

Somewhere Only We Know

Keane

Part 2

Chapter 4

…..

As if her day was getting any better. First Clare…now Julian. Why did she let people get under her skin so much. Why did she pretend to not care what others thought about her….when she did.

Julian was waiting to spill the news to her. She saw that arrogant smirk on his face that she wanted to smack. She didn't even know why she didn't like him. She just didn't. Around campus, he just seemed to want to bully others….making them believe that they had to be his friend.

It didn't help that they had advance Chemistry together.

"Ok class, settle down. I have a project for you. You all must participate in the science fair….you can do it on anything. I'll pick the partners." Katie groaned. Like she didn't have enough problems. Grabbing her purse, she made sure her toothbrush was in there…in case she needed it. She ignored the teacher who was calling out partners.

Julian looked at Katie as she searched her purse. She tried to make this big deal of herself like she was Ms. Studious when she was just as vain as any other teenage girl. It was pathetic as he rolled his eyes.

"Katie and…..Julian." Both of their eyes bucked.

Are you serious?

…..

Maya had to look out for her sister. She owed her thinking about the millions of times Katie saved her from her parents' wrath. One obstacle that made her on edge was Bianca. Usually she would be scared to talk to the girl…..but this different. This was for Katie.

"Hold up half pint." Marisol stopped her.

"You can't stop me. Bianca needs to stay in her place."

"Maya you have to let Katie fight her own battles."

"That's easy for you to say because she is not her sister. Do you know how hard Katie cries at night? Do you know how much is at stake for her? How much she can lose."

"I know it's hard Maya…but you have to let Katie want to be helped. She has always felt like she had to be everyone else's strength…I wish I knew how to help…..but Bianca isn't the main problem."

"Yeah…you're right.

….

"I'm sorry about Clare." Mo said to Alli as they sat in the music room. After Sav graduated, he appointed himself as her big brother.

"It's ok. Just like she walks around like I don't exist….I do the same thing." She said looking at Dave through the glass window…who stared back at her but kept walking past her.

"Alli if you…"

"No…I have to be strong…I can't give in just because." She wiped her eyes.

…..

Dave knew they both needed each other…but Alli had the right to be mad at him….hate him. He hated how he made this one mistake that turned him into the bad guy. He hated seeing Jake and Clare walk around as if everything was fine….but it wasn't.

He was mad at Clare for forgiving Jake but not her. How could she put her through this?

…

Clare hated how everyone judged her decision for not being friends with Alli. It was wrong of her to kiss Jake. She forgave her for kissing K.C. the first time…this time was unacceptable. Why did she keep hurting her like this? In the beginning of their sophomore year, all Alli did was bombard her with her problems…now it was her turn to listen…and she couldn't.

Ali always had to be the center of attention. No matter what.

….

"Look I don't like you…you don't like me…but I want to do well on this." Katie said accidently dropping her pencil writing down her notes. Bending down, she winced.

"You need to get that looked at." He casually said.

"It's none of your business." Katie said…biting her tongue to keep from yelping.

"Whatever." He said knowing that Drew didn't know about this.

….

"Hey Adam…" Fiona caught his attention as he walked down the halls.

"Umm….I don't know if I should say anything….but today Katie had a mental breakdown in the bathroom."

"….."

"She tried to play it off like it was nothing…but we have all seen a change in her." Fiona said as Imogen and Eli caught up with them.

"What's going on…" Eli raised his one eyebrow.

"Nothing…." They both said too quickly.

"Were we ruining a moment?" Imogen asked Fiona.

"no…I'll see you guys later." Fiona walked off. There was just something about Imogen she couldn't put her finger on. She was trying to hard. No one could magically change from being a manipulative stalker into a kind friend.

…

Katie quietly sat down on the cold metal table. She was waiting…..for the nurse to tell her everything was going to be ok. Her future was a stake. Her parents value of her was at stake.

"It's been bothering me for about a week or so….it's just a sprain though." Katie said as the nurse rubbed her knee.

"I'm still going to ask you to go see a doctor. You do play soccer…so I know how you much you need to know what's wrong….that is if something is wrong." The nurse smiled to calm her nerves.

"You have no idea." Katie said still debating or not if she was going to the doctor. She didn't want to know…

…..

"Bianca am I doing something wrong?" Drew asked as Bianca hugged him.

"Drew….relationships hit snags sometimes. You have to overcome them." She said while her heart busted.

"Thanks for telling me I should stick in there." Drew said gently removing hair from her face. She was so….

"It's the best for you." She stood up quickly grabbing her books…walking away. Why was drew doing this to her? He knew she had feelings for him. The whole school did. It hurt her everytime he smiled at her….every time he was around Katie…but she stayed around…because what they had was over.

…..

"Why can't I ever get what I want?" Bianca asked Imogen as they prepped for gym.

"I know the feeling….." Imogen said looking at Fiona walk out the changing room. She didn't know when this crush started…if it was a crush…maybe she was envious of Fiona. Look at her, she was the prettiest girl in school.

Then she was so nice. What she did for Holly J…..she was just blown away. But why would she notice her in that way?

Fiona noticed how Imogen would always stare at her….like she was an antique…but she didn't know what it meant. She was always known to fascinate other people.

Eli told her she was a good person, but it still took her a long time to open up to people.

…

"It's good to finally see that seeing Clare doesn't put you into anaphylactic shock." Adam said with wit as Eli opened his locker.

"Look….me and Clare…will never be…I just need to accept the fact. She's moved on….so have I."

"Still hurts though…you, Bianca, Dave and Alli should join 'the Brokenhearted Club'." He tried to cheer up his friend.

"It feels like we were so long ago. So much time has passed." Eli closed his locker.

"I know…but that's life…" Adam put his hand on his friend's shoulder.

…..

"Hey Granpa….have you taken your medicine yet?" Julian snuck to call his "father" in the locker room.

"Yes..for the millionth time….Julian..stop worrying about me…enjoy the day." Julian smiled at the old man's persistence as he hung up. Today was only going to get worse. He had to start on this project. Correction…Katie wanted to start on the project…he rolled his eyes at the thought of her.

"You better put that phone up before Coach finds you." Drew said. "Katie tells me you guys are partners…."

"Yeah…I don't see how you do it." Julian put his gear in his bag.

"Look on the bright side, we got the Coach to approve the idea." Drew stated looking at his messages on his phone.

"Let me guess Bianca….." Owen cut into the conversation.

"Guys it's not what it looks like." Drew defended himself again changing into his uniform.

"I'm not one to judge….."Owen began.

"I just have to take her to her to her court hearing….make sure she is in good standing with her probation officer….Katie….."

"We know….we know…she understands" The locker room said as he shrugged.


	5. How To Save A Life

How to Save a Life

The Fray

Chapter 5

…

Bianca would never admit how Vince and Anson haunted her dreams at night. How they followed her and made her relive her worst nightmares. She killed a man, she took a life away. A life that may have not been worthy, but a life still. Every once in a while, when she had nothing to say, her mind would travel back here.

Bianca was oblivious to the fact that Drew was driving. She was oblivious to the fact that she was clutching her hands so hard that they were red.

Drew didn't want her to go through this alone. He gently grabbed her hand giving her the strength she needed.

"Thanks…." She said wiping her tears away. "Even though they are both gone, they still have me trapped. I can't be free no matter what happens."

Drew listened to her as they pulled into the courthouse parking lot. They were fifteen minutes early, he didn't rush her.

"Bianca you are the strongest person I know….you have battled so much…and look where you are now."

"….but it still cant get me what I really want." She said softly…moving her hand from his as they both got out the car. Drew knew what she meant….and his heart knew too.

…

Marisol was always known for her ditzy, bubbly and flirtatious ways…boys,boys, boys…that was all she could think about. But this was much more important….Katie was her best friend in the world. She forgave her for things she wouldn't even forgive herself for. Why was she so nice to her…because that was the kind of person Katie was. It was her turn to be a good friend.

"Marisol." Alli said walking out the door.

"Alli….need a ride?" She said smiling. After the cabin incident between Clare and Alli, she realized how fragile friendships could be. She couldn't believe she was so selfish to stop Katie from talking to Drew. She was wrong. She didn't want this reputation anymore…homewrecker, backstabber…

"Thank you….." Alli hoped in the passenger seat.

Marisol wasn't that bad all. Her and Jenna are like the same….then it hit her….she was like them. She took Dave from Sadie. They started off on the foot. How could she?

But it was different? Wasn't it? She had him first…well she had him but she didn't want him at first.

….

As Katie opened the door, Julian was amazed. She lived the way he imagined….perfectly. Chandeliers, marble floors, top of the line high tech kitchen. She needed nothing.

Katie knew he was judging her, she was so tired of people judging her. So tired of putting on this act. She was just tired.

"Hey sweetie. Where is Maya?" Her mother screamed from upstairs.

"…Tori's…."

"O by the way….the nurse called she said your knee is hurt….."

"Mom…." Katie tried to make her mom listen. Why did the nursecall? Why did she have to make her life so much more like hell.

"She says we better go immediately.."

"Mom….." Katie said hearing her mom come from the stairs. What would Julian think of her? Why did she care?

"No mom me….you need to get better so you can make it Nationals."

"Mom…we have a visitor….Julian" Katie said with a little sadness. "He's my partner for this project due."

"O…..nice to meet you." Julian smiled shaking her hand. After seeing this, he kind of felt sorry for Katie. No wonder she had to be always right. Her mother barely listened to her. Katie's mother was gorgeous…A Julianne Moore reincarnate.

"You too….. I have to go to a dinner party." The woman put her pearls in her ear. "There's food in the fridge."

"…..tomorrow we will go to the doctor." She kissed her daughter walking out.

"Just forget you saw that little scene." Katie bit her lip dropping her bags to the floor.

…

"Alli how could you?" Jenna walked outside seeing Marisol drop her off.

"We work together…that's it. I needed a ride…you know student council." Alli tried to explain.

"That is the girl responsible for taking K.C. and Tyson away from me…..where is your loyalty?" Jenna ran back upstairs.

Where was her loyalty? Even she didn't know.

…..

"Eli…..don't tell me again you are going to write another play." Fiona drank her Coke as they sat at the Dot. She missed Declan and H.J. terribly, but this was her chance to live her life. She had to learn to make new friends.

"I think my play days are over with…." Eli said.

"I kind of wanted another chance to redeem myself after I….." Imogen began.

"Ditched the play." Fiona said tartly.

"It was my fault…..Eli tried to lesson the tension. It was his fault. He used Imogen…and he was making it up to her.

"No it was mine….I'm sorry." Imogen said. "I'm sorry that I let both of you down." She shrugged. Maybe being mean was for her, because she felt guilty as soon as Imogen's brown eyes saddened.

…

"Do you always have to be right?" Julian asked agitated as she kept barking orders. She wasn't taking any of his ideas seriously.

"No…but I want to make an "A"….excuse me for wanting to achieve." She kept writing notes in her notebook.

"You do enough of that already….." He said underneath his breath as he placed a Dorito in his mouth.

"If you have something to say…say it to my face." She stated. "That's why I don't like you. You want everyone to fear you. I know guys like you."

"Guys like me…let talk about you..I know girls like you…who talk a good game but the minute something doesn't go their way…they run." They approached eachother….their anger flaring.

"You don't scare me…" Katie said.

"You don't scare me either." He said."

…..

"Told you everything would fall into place." Drew held the door open for B as they entered The Dot.

"Yeah…..I'll be off probation in no time." Bianca hugged him as he smelled her hair. How he missed her scent…..how he missed her. They were oblivious to the fact that people were their staring at them. Imogen, Fiona, and Eli….to be exact.

"This is why I am glad to be a lesbian." She said to them as they laughed.

….

"Marisol….what are you doing here?" Katie asked.

"Well hello to you too…mandatory movie night….I got the chick flicks and Ice Cream." Marisol smiled the smile she knew Katie would not refuse.

"Ok ok….besides I need a breather….from Julian's attitude. He left 30 minutes ago."

"Julian the dark chocolate hottie….lucky you…." Marisol teased as Katie looked at her. "What old habits die hard." She began to eat.

"I'm just going to put mine in the refrigerator." She said as she put a wrap around her knee.

"Is it feeling better…." Marisol said.

"A little bit." Marisol knew her friend was lying.

…

"Julian focus your power on the bag….remember don't let anyone break your concentration." His trainer Antonio stated holding the bag for him. Julian mercilessly took out his aggression on it. He was hitting so many things…his mom….his dad…..Katie….especially her. How could he let her get a rise out of him like that?

After practice, he made his way back home. Smiling at his grandfather, who was sleep on the couch, he covered him up.

Walking over to the medicine cabinet, he made sure he wasn't running out of pills. Turning off the TV, he went to sleep.


	6. Dreaming Out Loud

Dreaming Out Loud

OneRepublic

Chapter 6

…..

Alli was shocked as to how professional Marisol could be. She was managing every department well in Katie's absence.

Marisol was proud of herself, but she wanted Katie to be proud of her too. She always envied her best friend for her endurance. She never gave up, even when the odds were against her. That's why so many respected her at this school.

"…..Alli give this announcement to Dave while he is on the air." Marisol said.

"You are making me do this on purpose….why?" Alli looked at the flyer created for the charity wrestling match.

"Because you need to…." Marisol simply said as Alli left.

…..

"Don't worry Katie…you will be back to normal in no time." Her mom reassured her as she sat on the hospital bed. How many tests did they have to run? After what seemed like an eternity, she came back.

"Your knee is going to be ok…but you have to rest for a while….." The doctor stated.

"How long?" Her mother asked. But it wasn't concern for her, but her knee. Her mother wouldn't love her if she wasn't an athlete.

"About a month. Katie…when you get a pain…you can't just ignore it. You have to treat it or else it will get worse." This wasn't what she wanted to hear. She needed soccer. It was her golden ticket out of Toronto…away from her parents. She wanted to start fresh….re-create herself.

"I know you are disappointed but think of it this way…..you have time to do entrance essays, exams, and interviews." They left the doctor's office. Yes, that was what she was looking for.

….

"Alright Degrassians…get at us on any ideas you want to…" Dave stopped as Alli walked into the room.

"….to hear…." Adam took over letting Dave talk to her.

"here is an announcement…" She said handing him the paper.

"Please don't do this…." He grabbed her hand. "Marisol told me to give it to you. I didn't want to...but I did anyways" She said seeing his heart break.

"Ok…." He finally stated taking the flyer.

…..

Fiona didn't know whether to tell Katie or not…they weren't friends…but still she knew. But she also knew Katie was going through something…..like she was, she kept pushing people away. She didn't think anyone could help. She didn't think she could help herself.

Katie could tell Fiona had something to tell her in class. She had this ability to read people, but she didn't want to hear anything today. Everything was accumulating again. She saw how Drew looked at Bianca….she was his constellation prize. The prize his mother would accept. She couldn't play again. The more she kept thinking about it the more her thoughts ran together.

She was losing it again. Her mind was spinning and she couldn't stop it. Walking to the bathroom, she had to do this. This would make it better. Pulling her hair into a ponytail, she put her fingers down her mouth…letting it all come out. Everything would be good now. She put two tick tacks in her mouth as she left.

…

Her and Drew had experienced many hugs and kisses but last night's hug was special. They both felt something in it. Drew tried to be a little standoffish towards her, but it wouldn't last. You can't fight your feelings no matter how hard you tried.

….

Clare was happy with Jake, but she was beginning to doubt their relationship. Not because he wasn't faithful to her…but she kept dreaming of another….Eli. She never showed it in the halls how she would look at him when his back was turned….how she would have to stop herself from calling Jake "Eli" at times.

When he found her in the woods, she didn't want him to find her. She didn't want to have to face him. She was still trying to force herself to like Jake.

She knew she did Alli wrong…and even though she was still mad at her…apart of her wanted to forgive her…but what if Alli hurt her again. All the times she saw her in the hallways, she wanted to run up and hug her…but she burned her bridges.

"Clare what's wrong?" Adam asked seeing her in the Zen Garden.

"Nothing…..I just…"

"What you need is fun time….just us….Jake won't mind if I stole you would he?" Clare shook her head. "No…" She smiled.

Adam smiled. He had to get his two best friends together no matter what.

….

Drew kept thinking about how perfect Bianca felt in his arms. Her curls in his fingers….her….

"Katie your back. Why didn't you answer my text….."Drew asked at her locker.

"I must have had it on silent…sorry babe." She kissed his cheek. Drew was kind of taken off guard a little bit. She wasn't usually like this.

"I take it you got good news." He smiled.

"…..real good news….maybe we can go celebrate….." She said. This wasn't like herself, but she didn't want to be like herself anymore. She wanted to be what she envied.

"_Attention Degrassi…Battle of the Brawn will soon begin. Come out and make donations to see your favorite classmates duke it out."_

"Yes…" Drew cheered. "So are you coming to see your man? He asked knowing she was upset.

"….sure….."

…..

"You didn't tell her did you?" Imogen asked Fiona in the computer.

"Not that it's any of your business…but no….." Fiona snapped.

"Why do you hate me so much?" Imogen asked.

"Because you took advantage of Eli. You are manipulative…and you believe that saying sorry is going to help. The only reason you are speaking to me is because I am friends with him. You probably want me to talk to him for you."

"That was all last year….and by the way…he used me too….Excuse me for loving hard…but I do hate that I hurt him. Let's talk about how you tried to break Declan and Holly J up. Is everyone else in these halls judgmental?" Imogen asked walking off.

….

"Come on Alli….what are you going to do…work for SC until you graduate? Come on, you have fun with your friends…" Adam pleaded.

"Is Dave coming?" She folded her arms

"No" Adam stated crossing his fingers in his mind.

…

"She hates me." Imogen told Bianca as they ate lunch.

"No she doesn't." Bianca ate an apple. "She just doesn't know what to think of you yet…just like you…"

"Easy for you to say….Drew loves you still." Why did she have to say that?

"It doesn't matter…it's who he chooses." Bianca said bittersweetly.

"I know this is wrong for me to say, but you have to do what makes you happy. Sometimes we know what's best for others." The two girls shrugged.

….

Katie sat on the ledge of the roof looking at the ground. Closing her eyes, she saw her life flash before her eyes. She was dying….slowly but surely. She tried to grab onto a lifeline, but she couldn't.

Every time, she opened her mouth to talk, words would not come out. She was too prideful. Why wasn't she good enough for her parents. She got her wish…her knee was busted, but she still had pressure.

It would never go away.

…..

"I think she threw up again." Maya said to Marisol.

"Are you sure. Maybe you are jumping to conclusions. How do know?" Marisol held her books to her chest.

"I know my sister. I know something's up when she doesn't answer my texts. She always always does…what if she didn't throw up. What if she cut herself? She found out today she couldn't play for a month." Maya said in panic.

"Calm down babe…we can't think like this. I'm going to tell Drew." Marisol said.

"Why so he can put her on the backburner for Bianca…no way….."They said in the corner. Julian didn't mean to eavesdrop…but he just happened to be there at that time. Guess Katie wasn't as perfect as she appeared.


	7. You Lost Me

You lost me

Christina Aguilera

Chapter 7

….

"I'm fine sweetie…" Katie assured Maya and Marisol. The funny thing about lying is that when your good at it….you cant stop. And the more you lie…the more you have to tell a lie to cover up the last lie.

"Are you sure…you didn't want to answer your phone." Marisol stated.

"That's because I left it at home. I was in a rush….I tried to tell mom to turn around but of course…she didn't." She smiled.

"Ok."Maya said relieved. "I don't know what I would do if you started again."

"Me either…" Marisol said as she cried. Walking up to them she hugged them…hoping she could hold back the tears.

….

"Prince Adam, are you sure this will work?" Fiona asked. She was glad that they were friends. She thought how cute it was that he was playing matchmaker.

"Yes…..I want my friends to be together again. I am tired of being the go between." Adam said.

"I would be too…this is off subject…but what do you think about Imogen?"

"She's the girl version of Eli…." Adam said quickly. "….but less tragic and fatal."

"She is trying to make amends…" Fiona said.

"Well then…let her. I mean…if Eli can forgive her…so can you." He smiled hugging her as he left the school.

….

Though Katie was in her whirlwind called a life, she noticed things about Julian. He never talked about his family. Drew didn't know too much to about him. Not that she cared…

"How about today we try listening to my ideas…." He said calmly as they walked in her house. He didn't want to argue with her…he just wanted to show her some kindness. He knew what it was like to lose something that you needed. He knew what it was like to want to have another life.

"I think your ideas have been heard enough…." She said remembering the announcement this afternoon.

"Why, upset because you didn't get the last word. You have a complex or something…you know that?"

"Excuse me?" Katie said as she angrily as she grabbed some chips and dip from the pantry….trying the hide the pain.

"What not use to someone putting you in your place? You know what…..I tried to be nice to you…..I heard about your knee…"

"I don't want your sympathy…."she said wincing loudly.

….

Clare was glad to be with Adam today. You don't realize how much you miss a friend until they are gone. You don't realize how much you have changed until you remember how the silliest things make you laugh.

"O Clare….could you go get the drinks from the fridge."

"Yeah…." She walked off as the door bell rang.

"Eli….hey…can you go do me a favor and get some ice. I got to find the game." Adam whispered so Clare couldn't hear.

"Hello to you too….and why are you whispering" Eli shook his head smiling as he walked into the kitchen. It was so routine for Adam to open the door without saying a word to him.

…..

"You need to sit down." Julian said. "…Stop being so damn stubborn." He walked over to her.

"I don't need your help ok…I don't need anyone's help."She began to cry as he helped her sit down on the couch. Julian didn't know Katie could cry. She graced the halls so elegantly.

"If you tell anyone else this…you're dead." She swallowed her tears.

"You are so…sometimes I just wish I could shake some sense into you." Julian said. "You couldn't even say thank you…..its like you have this one way of thinking and anyone who doesn't agree with you…you get mad at…..sorry we can't be perfect….." He packed his bags and walked out.

….

Clare didn't know where the drinks were. This was one of Adam's tricks again. She hated how he would always hide things to get a good laugh. Hearing the door open she asked without looking…..

"Adam where did you….." She stopped in mid sentence as she turned around seeing Eli…..

Eli…he looked healthier. She loved how he was wearing more colors…..

Seeing her here too was a shock. The way the light touched her skin. She was beautiful.

It was as if everything was rewinding back to before they ended…correction…she ended it. He looked healthier now. His green eyes glowed as he walked up to her. Her hair was growing.

He smirked. "How about I help you find the drinks….and ice"

"Yeah…I'd like that."

…..

As Julian walked out the house, he checked his pockets….he left his phone. Great he would have to suffer walking back in and seeing her again.

Katie was left alone…with good reason. Why did his words hurt her so? Why didn't she thank him?

Walking back inside, he saw her crying. He didn't mean to hurt her feelings but was she so hard to get along with. She didn't even let Drew see her vulnerable.

Hearing footsteps, she uncovered her face. "Come to yell at me again?" Katie tried to wipe her tears away.

"Stop doing that…why won't you let people see this side of you?" Julian sat beside her.

"…" she couldn't tell him but she wanted to. She wanted to tell him…but why? She had Drew. But something about Julian made her believe he wouldn't think she was weak.

"I know I'm not the person you want to tell. I can call Drew…"

"No!" she shook her head. "Please don't. He could barely believe that I was Bulimic…he described it as being weak…I can't cry. I'm not allowed to. I have to be perfect. I have to succeed. I have to. It's been instilled in me…you saw my mom." Katie played with her fingers as he listened.

"…and I try to succeed…but I am never good enough. It's like when I look in the mirror…I hate myself…..I…just get overwhelmed. Drew thinks everything is about him…we are growing apart…but the worst part is that I don't find myself caring. I don't know what to do. Everyone looks at me to be strong…"

"I know the feeling." He said thinking about his grandfather…but this wasn't about him…this was about her.

…

Alli didn't know why Adam was forcing her to look for his X-Box 360. He claimed Drew had moved it. He was lying obviously. It was like he was sending her on a wild goose chase….his usual praks.

Adam's plan was working perfectly so far…..Clare and Eli were reconnecting downstairs. They didn't hear the doorbell ring as he let Alli inside. Dave was on his way as he looked at his phone.

"Are you sure he moved it here?" Alli asked checking under his pillow.

"Yeah I'm sure." Adam put his phone back in his pocket.

Alli knew something was going on. Adam was hiding something from her. As he left the room, she went downstairs quietly….seeing Clare and Eli sitting on the couch. How did she not hear them?

"Alli." Clare asked seeing the petite Muslim walk down the stairs.

"Clare…." Alli asked hearing the doorbell ring as Clare opened it. She couldn't process this all at once. This situation could not get any worse.

"Dave…" Clare said opening the door. Looking at her expression, did he ruin a moment? Was he not supposed to be there?

"Clare." Dave looked puzzled walking inside. "Alli…" She only turned her head folding her arms.

"This town is too small." Alli puffed.

"Surprise…." Adam said aloud as the whole room looked angrily at him.

"…Not a surprise." Alli said trying to walk out the room before Adam stopped her.

All he wanted to do was help them. They were all miserable with their lives. He couldn't watch it any longer.

"I'm trying to help….." Adam said. Eli huffed. He knew he meant well.

"We know that." Dave said. "But what did you think we would do when we got around each other?"

"…sing Kume-bye-yah." Alli finished.

"See there's a start. You are finishing each other's sentences." Adam stated.

"Eli…Clare…you guys can actually now be in a room…and look each other in the eye….please…all I ask is just three hours.

….

Julian took in everything Katie was saying to him. It was as if she had no parents either. They didn't give her the love and support he needed.

Though his grandfather was getting old, he had so many good memories to cherish….basket ball games….boy scouts…..football practiced.

"Please don't tell Drew….." Katie asked.

"I won't. I promise."

"Thank you….."she said calmly as he got up.

"By the way…tomorrow, nothing changes. I hate you. You hate me." Katie stated. Julian had to admit she had balls.

"Wouldn't have it any other way….."


	8. YouPart 2

You Lost Me

Part 2

Chapter 8

….

Clare didn't know how to approach Alli. How could she admit that she was wrong? She chose wrong…and she regretted it after she drove off that day in Jake's truck. How could she admit to Eli that she wanted him back?

Adam went out of his way to do this for them…and as stubborn as they were acting…they knew they needed to face each other. Clare still had butterflies in her stomach every time Eli stared at her. Nothing was changed between them.

"I'll just leave…because I don't you to feel uncomfortable." Dave got up reaching for the doorknob. It was over between them. He was just going to have to accept it.

Alli watched his hand touch the door. She was angry but not angry enough to try again….not angry enough to forget.

"Don't…please don't leave me." Alli stopped him running to him.

"I don't want you to stay but…. I don't want you to leave me anymore." She said grabbing his hand. This was all he needed to hear as they went upstairs.

…

"Drew….I can't watch this movie…." Bianca said as they sat on his couch. She couldn't let him do this unintentionally to her. She couldn't do this to herself.

"I can get another movie…" Drew said sitting the popcorn down.

"No…I mean…this…us hanging out…..I cant…." Bianca stated.

"Why?" Drew asked with hurt. "I like us hanging out."

"But you know I have feelings for you…."She stood up. "Just admit it."

"…You're right. I do know….but I can't let you go either." He approached Bianca…gently pushing her against the wall….

"Drew…." They looked into each other's eyes…..

"I cant pretend as if I don't feel it too….when I do…." He kissed her gently.

"I love you so much." Bianca rested her hands on his chest as he played in her hair. Her lips…soft…like he remembered them.

….

Clare looked at Alli as she went with Dave. How she wanted to apologize. How she wanted to take back everything she did wrong last semester. But you couldn't turn back time….

Eli watched her as she watched Alli and Dave go into another room. He needed to talk to her to. Grabbing her hand, Eli squeezed it gently.

"I know you are with Jake…and if that is what you want I will be fine with it. I want what's best for you….but it is breaking my heart that we can't even be friends." He did really care for her. She could see it in his eyes.

He didn't need her right now. Not when he was getting healthy like this. She saw change in him. For now, she would be his friend.

"It would break my heart if I couldn't be your friend either." Clare said as Adam looked at him through the kitchen. All four of them owed him a huge favor.

…

"Grandpa….where are you?" Julian walked inside the house. He became scared when he didn't see him. What if he had fallen?

"I'm in here son." He yelled from the bedroom. Julian sat down on the bed looking at his grandfather….his hair grey with wrinkles on his forehead.

"I was just looking at my album….you know Macey left me three years ago tomorrow."

"Yeah I know…." Julian tried to keep tears from shedding. He missed his grandmother…but her death was expected.

"She would be so proud of you…she always did like wrestling and boxing." His granddad laughed.

"Yeah she did….lets get you to bed."

…..

Dave sat her down on bed as he looked at her face. God did he miss her. Her skin was flawless….but he needed to talk. He needed to tell her the whole truth.

"My first time….I was drunk…..and I don't even remember it." Dave stated. "I know that doesn't make it any better. I should have never put myself in that position. But I regret it. I didn't even know her name. She told me the whole time I was calling your name."

"I know you would not intentionally hurt me…but how can we get over this. As much as I hate you…I love you."

"I love you…..you don't have to do anything….just let me show you." Dave kissed her.

….

Drew sat on his bed, remembering what he just shared with Bianca. How was he going to tell Katie…better yet…break up with her. It was selfish of him to do that. Obviously, she needed him…..but on the hand….Drew couldn't give her what she needed.

He was even afraid of the situation himself. Why can't he get over Bianca? Katie was the good girl….reliable…smart. Bianca was the bad girl…who had a big heart….ugh.

Her lips…..her hair….her everything. He was a coward.

…

Dave sat Alli in his lap as he rubbed her back. She tried to stop him….tried to keep her guard up, but she couldn't. Her body missed his touch.

Dave gently lifted her chin as he kissed her again. They were both getting used to each others lips again. They were testing each other. Soon, Dave laid them on the bed….raising Alli's shirt…to see her stomach. He kissed it…..hearing her moan.

Alli turned them over…kissing his neck. Leaving bite marks here and there.

…

"You were right Julian…." Drew said on their way to practice.

"About what…." Julian replayed Katie's breakdown in his mind. He didn't realize she had dealt with so much…the way her tears plastered her porcelain face. How could Drew overlook her like that? How could Drew…..

"I kissed Bianca…" Drew said. "I made the move. I wanted to…"

Usually, he wouldn't be mad, but for some reason he was.

"What are you going to do about it?"

"I'm going to break up with Katie. It's the right thing to do…..or is it? I know she needs me but I'm still in love with Bianca.

Should Julian tell him now about her? He wanted to but a relationship shouldn't be based on sympathy…but how was she going to take it. That was a rhetorical question.

…

Katie flushed the toilet….throwing up her pain. She was weak. How could she just tell Julian everything like that….but she knew she needed to tell someone. And it felt good doing so. Having someone there to listen to her.

He didn't press her. He just let her vent. But it wasn't enough to stop the insecurities and pressure she felt. She didn't want to Maya to worry about her….this wasn't her responsibility. She was the eldest. It was her job to protect her.

She was going to make sure that Maya always felt good enough. She was going to make sure Maya never felt insignificant. This just her curse that she had to live with.

…

"Guys how about we play Dance Evolution?" Adam asked as Dave and Alli came down stairs holding hands. Clare envied them both…..El did too.

"Sure…." They all said but Adam noticed they were still separated Eli and Clare on one side….Dave and Alli on the other. At least he got them to admit their feelings for each other. He would be happy with this.

…

Why was Drew ignoring her calls? He had been out of practice for about an hour now. Katie knew why. She always did.


	9. Bring Me Back to Life

Bring Me Back to Life

Dr. Dre ft. Eminem

Chapter 9

…

Julian hated this day. The feelings were still raw. His grandmother died. The mother he had only known. His parents abandoned him at birth….no where to be found. Why didn't they want him? They didn't even show at up at the funeral.

He was angry at God for a long time, for taking her away from him. Why did Macey have to leave?

Katie saw him in the Zen Garden. She knew that saddened expression. He needed someone…but she didn't know what to say. It's not like he would have acknowledged her after what she told him. He did the biggest favor by listening to her, and she shoved it back in his face. Why couldn't she ever do one right thing?

Julian saw her looking at him through the glass walls. She wanted to talk to him…but she didn't. He didn't want her too…then he would be obligated to tell her about Bianca. He didn't want to compound too much on her. He laughed to himself. When did he care about how she felt?

…

Alli was glad they were working things out. She needed him….he needed her. She smiled as they laced their fingers together. He smiled walking her to her locker. What made her a little unwilled was to see Clare standing there.

"I'll let you go girl." Dave kissed her walking off.

"Clare I don't want fight. Every time we get around each other, we talk in circles." Alli said.

"I just wanted to say that I am happy for you and Dave….and that I miss you…..I"

"I was out of line for kissing Jake….but you believed him over me when he told you I kissed him..he leaned in too…and I regret it…because when I get upset….I get impulsive "

"Als….I….."

"There's nothing more to say here….enjoy Jake." Alli slammed her locker.

…..

"What is this for?" Imogen said looking up from her book. "Kipling…good choice." She smiled taking the book from Fiona's hand.

"Leave it to you to be in the library." Fiona teased. "I just wanted to get you something for yesterday. I was out of line…and I'm sorry."

"….." Imogen smiled at the girl brightly who surprisingly blushed.

"Now that we got that out of the way…" Fiona sat beside her. "Is this seat taken?"

"No…" Imogen smiled trying to calm her nerves. "Eli is thinking of a play and he….."

_Thump_

Both girls turned their heads as they heard a couple of books hit the ground. Fiona turned her head back around.

"…..wanted me to be the star." Imogen returned to the conversation…knowingly as they heard voices coming from the same direction. They both knew what was going on in the back of the library. The two tried to keep it down…but it obviously wasn't working.

"What's that noise." THE eccentric teenager asked the pristine beauty.

"I don't know….but I don't want to be noisy." Fiona whispered as she saw Imogen get up from her seat.

"Where is your adventure…..what if it's a secret relationship….."Imogen grabbed her hand as they hid behind a book shelf.

…

Drew and Bianca tried to keep it down in the library…but they couldn't keep their hands off of each other. They were making up for time they had loss. They see Fiona and Imogen. All they cared about was the feel of each other's lips….tongues finding places….hands pulling each other's shirt.

Bianca closed her eyes enjoying Drew licking her neck….her hands made their way under his shirt…..feeling his back.

"You want me to stop." He asked huskily…not even caring about Katie. The two were just talking. He was reassuring Bianca that everything was ok. He wasn't going to let anything happen to her.

He was going to tell Katie…..but how.

….

"Omg….." Fiona and Imogen had the same expression on her face.

"I knew it…I knew it." Fiona said as they walked out the library.

"Poor Katie….."Imogen held her head down. "I can't believe….scratch that….I can believe he did that…."

"What about Kaite…" Imogen fixed her glasses.

"Can we just stay out of it…what's done in the dark will defiantly come in the light…besides Bianca is your friend" Fiona said.

"Yeah…..sad that is I wish I could hate her for it but she truly loves him….and…..some light is about to be shed…because here she comes."

Since Katie had some free time, she decided to check out another book for her science project. Of course Julian wouldn't be here. She rolled her eyes thinking about his nonchalantness.

"He is just so….." She said underneath her breath….but seeing another side of him yesterday .made her realize he wasn't so bad…

"Hey…Fiona said interrupting her train of thought.

"ummmm hi…." She said looking at the two brunette oddly.

"We have a proposition for you…." Imogen said. They couldn't let her see the two like that. Fiona decided to walk back inside and ruin the moment.

….

"Ummmm Fiona…" Drew and Bianca broke apart…seeing the girl fold her arms. She said nothing….just shook her head accusingly. Luckily they walled out the other exit.

What if it was Katie who had caught them? Could he really be evil and say that he was in love with someone else? Would he play both sides and say he cared for her but wanted more with another.

"Where's the fire?" Jake walked by him as he saw Bianca speed off.

"Let's just say that….I lost myself….."

"You kissed B…."

"Twice…..I want to be with her….but I don't know how to brake up with Katie…and if I do…I'm going to be a jerk because I know she's going through something she wont tell me. I need to…"

"You need to do what your heart says." Jake says waving at Clare as they passed the newpaper room.

…

Clare was glad that he didn't notice Eli. Not that she was cheating on him. Technickally she was cheating…but emotionally cheating. They both made sure there was enough distance between them. She thought being apart from him was hard…but being near him was even harder.

The two just sat there….chatting…eating lunch.

"So how is your new dad and bother/boyfriend." Eli drank his juice.

"Good…a little awkward. I think they know about us…but they can't stop us." She shrugged.

"As long as your happy…."Eli said. The old him would have told her to leave him….come back to him…the one who would never kiss her best friends. The one who would never think of her as "another woman."

Clare was waiting for him to speak…tell her what they both wanted to hear…but she had all the time in the world. As long as he was there for her….thats all that mattered.

….

"Guys I don't have time…..I'll just talk to you two later." Katie dismissed them walking in the non-fiction section. She shook her head. They were acting stranger than usual. Imogen was the epitome of strange. It was hard to believe she and Fiona were friends.

Walking in the aisle, she saw Julian searching as well.

"What….surprised that I know where the library is?" He acknowledged her presence without looking at her.

"No…..well….maybe…..I mean Drew….." Katie began.

"I'm not Drew." He cut her off. "Besides you need a break." He shrugged.

"Thanks…." She smiled…realizing she hadn't had a real smile in a while. Sometimes the littlest things can be the kindest gestures.

"Don't go soft on me Matlin." He looked down at her handing her the book. Julian wasn't that bad. He was just rough around the edges.

"You wish….." Katie said with a little attitude as her phone vibrated.

"Great another text from mom…..probably about college scouts….." She rubbed her head. He wanted to reassure her, but he didn't know how.

Katie looked at her phone, letting out a breath of relief.

"Its nothing big, my parents are remodeling. Can we finish the project at your house? Katie noticed the alarm on his face. He didn't want anyone to know about his life. He wasn't ashamed of his grandfather. He just wasn't ready to talk about his life yet….but if he saw at her worst….maybe it didn't matter.

…

Fiona had to admit that Imogen was actually kind of cool. She wished she didn't care what others thought about her. She wished she could be more rebellious. She remembered the first day she saw Imogen walking down the hall with tampons in her nose. She was crazy and/or needed attention.

"We make a great team….we are like the dynamic duo." Imogen teased as they walked the halls together.

"OMG Imogen…" Fiona rolled her eyes giggling."You are definatlely different than anyone else I have ever met."

"That's what I hope." She smiled as Fiona found herself blushing.

…..

Julian's mind kept wandering as he walked home. He knew Katie would judge coming from her background. They lived in a different world than him. They were all going to go off and accomplish great deeds….explore the world. He was going to go to school at Toronto University. But that was his responsibility. Families make sacrifices all the time.

Walking inside, he began to tidy up. His grandfather went to the grocery store. He shook his head laughing as he set the letter down on the table. He hated how his dad would try to be independent…he refused any help offered to him.

He wished things were a little different…but this was his life.


	10. Love the Way You Lie

Love the Way you Lie

Eminem ft. Rihanna

Chapter 10

….

Katie knew something was on Drew's mind as he drove her to Julian's house. She hated the silence. It always made her think about her failures…..her bulimia….the three times she did it today. She was losing her emotions….and it was harder to act as if everything was alright. Drew chose to look over her appearance, she was paler than normal…and weaker than usual too…

"I'll see you later….." Drew said as she walked to the door. He didn't even wait to see her walk inside. Her knee was hurting and she was feeling light-headed. Holding onto the railing of the stairs she took a deep breath as she rang the door bell.

Julian opened the door coming from taking a shower. In three seconds, he was about to let the girl of his nightmares into his home…what he found behind the door…was even worse. She looked scared. Her eyes were tired…but she tried to hide it behind her icy mask.

"Drew says hi." She walked herself in the house. She had to pace herself because she would fall if not. Seeing the couch, she almost fell into the seat.

Julian said nothing but made his way in the kitchen.

"What are you doing?" she saw him leave her in the living room.

"Fixing you something to eat. I heard your stomach growl." He fixed her some left over homemade soup in bowl.

"I don't need it…I'm not…." She hated herself for being caught in a lie.

"Yes you are….you know your hungry…just eat…." Katie didn't feel like arguing as she ate the soup. It was really good, she couldn't put it down.

He watched her eat…and he felt sorry for her. He knew she would have hated it if he said it aloud…but he wouldn't wish this life on anyone.

Katie felt his eyes on her….judging her….making her feel even more insecure.

"Say it…I know you want to….how I can be so weak…how I can crumble so easily."

"I just don't understand how you can take it out on yourself like this. You need to stop." He said fixing her another bowl as Katie decided to follow him.

"How can you say it like that? It's not easy. I am so sick…of people…always judging me like this. Always thinking they have the solution to every problem. I am so sick of screaming on the inside…" She began to cry again gripping the counter.

"I know its not easy….trust me I do….but you don't give people enough credit either…you walk around as if you are better than them…..you act like you are this tough…when you're not. I see right through you it's like you don't even know what's good for you…you've been brainwashed…that you don't even see what others see."

"I know what others see…and I hate it...I hate it…you see an egotistical, overbearing girl who doesn't care about people's feelings what so ever….but I do have a heart. I don't know how to show it…." She gripped tightly.

"You're showing it now…" He said as he walked to her. She became scared. Her heart was beating…but what for?

"I'm not going to hurt you. I'm going to take you back to the couch." He picked her up setting her down. How could Julian see her fragile state while Drew saw it and said nothing.

….

"Now that our parents are gone, we can finish talking….." Jake said as moved Clare to the couch…kissing her.

Clare enjoyed kissing him, but they weren't the same to her anymore. Their relationship wasn't the same to her anymore. She realized all they did do was kiss. She was in love with wanting to be in love…but she wasn't in love with Jake.

Pushing him back, she took a deep breath.

"It took your breath away didn't it?" Jake smugly put his arm around her.

"yeah…." She only said not wanting to say the truth out loud.

…

After she calmed down, Katie looked around his house.

"I know this isn't what you are used to seeing….." He said shrugging.

"No…..this house looks like a home." She smiled gently seeing the millions of photographs upon the wall and the different rugs on the floors.

"Yeah…a home that it is." He smirked.

"no really, the furniture invites you to sit down. There is love here…not in my home. The only love I feel is from Maya. She such a good sister. She it trying to help me…but I'm scared Julian."

"Katie, its ok to be scared." He touched her shoulder.

"You say that but not for…to live your life one way for so long…and then to maintain that change…it is scary. My disorder is something I will always deal with…and it makes me angrier that I gave into again. I want to change. I don't want to run…but when things get worse…I find myself in the bathroom stall. Just the thought flushing would give me peace of mind…."

"That's what I'm trying to say…you have to stop. You have to surround yourself in a healthy environment." He stated.

"Yeah…." She nodded.

"Did you like the soup?" He asked.

"Yes….." She said softly…glad that her head wasn't spinning. Julian was right. She had to fight this…

…

"Hey….have you seen Drew?" Bianca asked seeing Dave and Alli in the radio room. Of course she had another detention…but she needed to see him.

She was torn. She didn't want him to hurt Katie…at all. That's how she knew she was changing.

Any other time, she would not have cared about kissing someone else's boyfriend…but this time she did. She didn't want to force herself on Drew. She didn't want him to feel obligated to be with her.

"No….we haven't….."Dave shrugged knowing the situation at hand as Drew walked up behind her.

"Can we talk somewhere?" He guided them to the steps.

"Look….Drew I love you…you are the best thing that has ever happened to me….but I don't think we are meant to be…."

"So that kiss in the library…..it meant something to me….." Drew said.

"All I'm saying is that if we are meant to be together… I want us to happen because we want each other…not because Katie isn't giving you the attention you need.

"B I kissed you because I love you too. Nothing can change that. Even if Katie wasn't in the picture, this would have happened. Sometimes people grow apart….but I don't want us to grow apart."

….

"Julian….I don't want any more soup." She laughed as he handed her a Coke.

"Don't look at the nutrition label." He said with frank. "Just drink it."

"Ok…"She said not realizing how hard it was for her to drink it until it went down her throat. Julian found himself glad that she was opening up to him…but he shouldn't feel like this…at all. They were two totally different people.

"How about we finish this project." He tried to change the subject to something lighter.

"Julian talking about school work….shocker." They both chuckled.

"I'll let you have that one." Julian smiled at Katie as she smiled back…..turning on her laptop.

…


	11. Love the Waypart2

Love the Way you Lie

Eminem ft. Rhianna

Part 2

Chapter11

….

So are you going to tell me what you decided to do?" Imogen asked Bianca as they sat on the bench.

"I know what you are going to tell me…to follow my heart….but I can't at this time." Bianca frowned. Only one person could make her drop her guard like this….DREW.

"You should…..I know it sounds mean….but they would have eventually broken up in the first place."

"It was still wrong for me to kiss him." Bianca tried to talk quietly as people passed.

"Yeah….but it wouldn't be fair to Katie…." Imogen stated.

"I know you didn't mean to hurt anyone….and this is coming from a girl who is known to intentionally step on some toes.

…..

Just because Katie wasn't worried about Bianca didn't mean she wasn't. Maya knew girls like her. They only wanted men in relationships. They could never get their own. It sickened her. Both girls didn't see her near them…but she was in perfect ear shot.

"Drew and Me…that kiss….it is only one time…no more after that." Maya's mouth dropped as she heard. Good thing there were a couple of people around her so she wasn't in the open.

"Thought it only happened twice…."

"Whatever…..its done." She stated loudly standing up.

That unremorseful…..ughhhhhh….she was going to pay for hurting her sister like this.

…..

Katie sat on the toilet. She still felt the urge but stayed strong…..this was what she needed to do for herself. She needed to block all the noises. She needed to forget everything holding her down. It was time for her to actually enjoy living life.

Walking out the stall, she looked at herself in the mirror. She hated mirrors. They always showed what you didn't want see. She remembered how she used to spit in them…how hard she use to try to break them….she was tired of feeling like this…but she couldn't stop herself….someone help her please.

…

"So I take it you and Fiona are becoming friends." Eli smirked.

"Yeah…..she's really sweet…I can see why you are friends with her….." Imogen played with her ponytail. Eli noticed something when she stated that. She began fidgeting….like she was nervous.

"Everything ok….." Eli closed his locker.

"Yeah…" She said all took quickly as she began to blush seeing her walk down the hall.

…

Katie sat in the hallway rubbing her knee. The pain was getting better….but it only meant one thing. Her mom would start again…why she couldn't tell her how she felt. Why did she always have to please them. It wasn't fair to her…it wasn't!

"Hey sis…" Maya sat with her taking out her water bottle drinking it.

"Maya you are acting like we didn't see each other this morning." Katie rolled her eyes at her sister's silliness.

"Well it is a long time….it's just…." Maya shook her had not knowing what to say…..especially as she saw Bianca walk pass them to her locker.

"Umm…wait right here." Katie followed her sister with her eyes. She knew that look in her sisters eyes. She was going to do something that Katie had to clean up.

Maya was determined. It didn't matter if she got a 3 day suspension. Bianca deserved this. She could just take whatever she wanted. Actions had consequences.

Seeing her put her backpack up, Maya tapped her on her shoulder.

"Drew I already….OMG…." Bianca stated as Maya drenched her with the water bottle.

"Slut…go kiss someone else." Every mouth in the hallway dropped…including Katie's. Walking to Bianca she tried to help dry her off.

"Stop helping her Katie. You don't know what she did. She kissed Drew…twice….what whore." Maya yelled.

"Maya in my office now…" Simpson said.

"With pleasure…." She walked off as Katie's heart broke. But she could not show it. This was a time where she had to take charge. Clenching her fists she head to Drew.

….

"You guys…..I am so ready to take you on." Drew said smugly in the locker room as they finished changing clothes.

"Not this time…." Owen stretched. "I have been practicing. I'm ready to show you. Let's go meet Julian." They said as the heard other boys begin to whistle.

"Katie." Drew stopped in his tracks looking at her. She knew. It's in her eyes.

"Why didn't you tell me…why didn't I just break up you."

"How did you find out?" Drew asked.

"It doesn't matter. All you need to know is that I did. You're pathetic…you couldn't be a man and tell me face to face."

"I didn't want to hurt you….."

"O because I'm not hurt now….I'm not weak." She nearly screamed as the whole locker room gave her attention.

"Go to hell Drew." She walked out….running her fingers through her hair…she was panicking. She began to breathe faster the closer to got to the bathroom."

"I can't let you do that." Julian's deep voice rang in her ear….as she felt him grab her shoulders.

"No I need too…please….." she gripped his shirt crying in his arms…resting her head on his chest.

"Katie you're stronger than this….you are…..come on….." He grabbed her hand.

"Where are we going?" She asked not being logical about her actions. She was going off with a boy she barely knew…but she trusted him.

"I'm going to get you away from this for a little bit." He said noticing he was still holding her hand.

…..

Clare washed her hands as she came out of the stoll. She didn't think Maya had it in her to shame Bianca like that. The whole school was still talking about it…but the saddest part about it was how Drew didn't care at all about Katie. He…

"Clare…." Alli said directly as she came in. why did she have to see her at this moment.

"Alli…..wait….I'll go." Clare said sadly.

"Wait…"Alli stated. "You don't have to do that….." Alli shrugged not wanting Clare to leave. She missed her friend. It was moments like these, she needed someone to gossip with.

"ummm did you see it?" Clare asked with elation.

"Yeah…Bianca had it coming to her." Alli stated.

"Yeah she did…" Clare stated as they both really didn't know what to say to each other.

…..

"This lake is beautiful…" Katie closed her eyes smelling the breeze. This was so smoothing. This was what she needed.

"Yeah…my grandmother use to take me here." Julian said as Katie listened to him.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Julian asked finding himself embarrassed.

"You never talk about your family…that's all." She watched the ripples in the stream.

"Nothing much to talk about….I was raised by my grandparents…my parents didn't want me…."She looked at him with sadness.

"That's why I don't tell people because they look at me like that. I hate that look." He didn't stare at her. When did she become gorgeous like this? The way the sun glared…she looked like an…..

"I hate that look to…" She said quietly…looking at his features. Marisol was right...he was gorgeous…clear skin….pretty teeth...nice lips…STOP!

"Maybe we should go back now….."She began to shiver…but not because she was cold.

"Here…." Taking off his jacket, he put it around her shoulders.

"Umm we can take a break today…from the project….we are half way done….."She didn't know why she said that to him…it scare her how she felt at ease when he touched her. She just broke up with Drew. She didn't need these feelings….if they were even feelings.

"Ummm yeah…..I have to go run errands for my grandpa anyway."

…..

"This is all my fault." Drew put his arm around Bianca as they walked down the hall.

"No it's…both of ours…..I knew it would get to this." Bianca hung her head down as Drew lifted her chin.

"Me too…..but I didn't want it to stop. I'm sorry that you got caught in this crossfire." He gently kissed her.

…..

On the way back to school, Katie and Julian said nothing to each other. They didn't know how to come to grips with what they were both feeling…..or in Katie's case….what she was trying not to feel.

Her mind wandered as she still felt his arms around her. He was so strong. She wished she were like that. He helped her escape for at least 45 minutes of her life. Now she was faced to walk down the halls and see Bianca and Drew together. They were always together, but this time TOGETHER.

She knew what was going on. She didn't want to believe it.

Julian knew she wasn't magically cured….but he knew she needed someone to talk too…as did he. It's amazing how you never know how much you have in common with a person. No one knew the real him….only the persona he created….like Katie. She thought he was an egotistical womanizing bully…he thought she was a stuck prude bossy chick.

He noticed how quiet she had gotten as they reached the campus.

"I know I can't run away from this….but I don't want to see them….." She grabbed his wrist…needing comfort.

"Listen…you are stronger than you think. Don't lose faith in yourself." He wanted to touch her cheek…but fought the feeling.

"You're right." She said as they walking in the building.


	12. Autobiography

Autobiography

Ashlee Simpson

Chapter 12

…

What turned to be one day from seeing each other, turned into two weeks. Katie just needed not to be around him…not when she was this confused. She wasn't the girl who jumped from guy to guy like that. She had to figure out where her feelings were coming from. She hated seeing him walk down the halls…their eyes would connect…but she felt even stranger.

She should feel awkward seeing Drew and Bianca together. But it didn't bother her that much anymore. Deep down, she knew it was going to happen. People would always ask her if she was alright….and she was tired of it. Relationships start and end all the time. She hated being seen as the victim.

But on a good note, she was managing not to throw up…..as much…..just once every other day. Her mother being away for a business trip really helped. As she filled out college applications, she didn't feel a big weight on her chest.

…..

"Go check up on her Drew…." Bianca saw Katie sitting in the hallway….scribbling.

"She's a big girl…" Drew said…seeing a change in Bianca. She actually cared for others now.

"Don't give me that look." Bianca grinned. "I do have a heart, ya know. I just don't want her to not get closure." She shrugged.

"Katie can handle anything…..ok….give her some credit." Drew kissed her walking her to class.

…

"Does this mean that we are friends again?" Clare said as Alli sat next to her in the newspaper room.

"As long as Jake isn't around…" Alli ate her fruit cup. "So what has been going on in your life?"

"Nuthing much…I want to be newspaper editor….but Katie flipped when I told her." Clare shrugged. "Was I wrong?"

"A little bit…I get why you two don't get along. You guys are so much alike. You live to accomplish…but some things can wait. You can be editor your senior year."

"Yeah…you are right….so what's with you."

"…besides the fact that Jenna is upset that I hang out with Marisol…not even hang out with her…but consider her an associate….nothing." Clare laughed at this.

"She does have a point…but you two are on Student Council…."

"Jenna has been keeping a low profile…a very low profile."

"She'll be ok" Clare grabbed her hand smiling.

…..

Looking at her watch, Katie realized she had a meeting with Coach Armstong in 5 minutes. Grabbing her notepad and paper, she went to his office. Thankfully this meeting was during his planning period.

As Katie walked inside, she saw what she didn't want to see…..Julian changing. She almost dropped her stuff as she eyed his muscles. His chest was perfect…..

He saw her look at him, as much as he liked it, he didn't acknowledge her as he walked past her.

"Wait Julian…." She stopped him grabbing his arm.

"Yeah….." He asked.

"Ummmm can we…"

"Tonight….." He finished for her, he knew it was hard for her to say it.

"Good…." They said as Coach Armstrong interrupted their moment.

…..

"Does this mean I am the third wheel?" Eli came in seeing the girls laugh.

"It's good to see this again." Eli said. "Fiona and Imogen are my friends but sometimes I feel as if I am interrupting or disrupting a vibe."

"Maybe you are?" Clare shrugged.

"yeah right." Eli brushed the statement off sitting down.

…..

Fiona realized that she could tell Imogen anything. She was truly a non-judgmental person. She had never met anyone like her.

"What are you thinking about?" Imogen asked her admiring the wind blowing in Fiona's hair as they sat on the roof.

"Just about how afraid of you I was." Fiona noticed her saddened expression.

"…not now…I mean…I know you. You are just different. You move to the rhythm of your own drum."

"That's what makes me…me….sometimes I wish I could be normal…fit in…."

"Well if it means anything….I wouldn't change you for anything." Fiona hugged her as Imogen rubbed her back. She didn't know why this made her blush or why the butterflies in her stomach were getting bigger.

….

Why couldn't Alli have stayed with her when Eli was around her. It was getting harder to be around him. She kept thinking of touching him…..she could barely pay attention to anything he said because she kept staring at his lips.

Eli was on the brink of losing control. What was right in front of him, he couldn't have. He didn't care about Jake.

"I need to get back writing this article." She said as she walked back to the computer. Eli didn't let that stop him. Something just clicked inside his head. He wanted her to be his.

Clare sat at the computer, typing…..trying to not notice how his green eyes stared at her. Walking up behind her, he wrapped his arms around her.

"Eli…I have a boyfriend….." she began to shake.

"But you don't want him like you want me….." He kissed her neck gently as she began to relax. Eli sucked on her pulse point…making her moan and quiver.

"Eli…" she moaned as he turned her around kissing her.

"I miss you so much…" he said.

"Me too….." Clare closed the gap between them. She missed how his tongue tasted his mouth. She squeaked as he bit her bottom lip.

"I knew it!" Adam yelled laughing at the two as they caught their breath.

…..

Julian didn't know what to expect as he saw Maya walk up to him and Drew. He hoped she didn't have another water bottle hiding behind her back for Drew.

"Maya….I…" Drew began.

"I have nothing to say to you Drew. I want to talk to Julian." Both of their eyes looked confused.

"Ummm yeah sure…"He walked off with her. "Sure you don't want to pour anything on me…" he teased.

"No I just wanted to say thanks for taking care of my sister that day. She won't admit it to even herself but she really appreciates it. You don't know how much." Maya shrugged.

"It wasn't a big deal….."

"No but it is. Do you know how hard it is for her to open up to people? Heck, she was Drew's girlfriend and she had problems."

"Maya…I don't mind really…" The little girl hugged him as he hugged her back.

…

"God girl…do you know how much I missed this?" Dave smiled touching Alli's cheek as they sat in the garden.

"I know….me too." She rested her head in his lap.

…..

"What did Maya want?" Drew asked as he returned to his lunch.

"….nothing much…" Julian cut him off.

"Come on…man I know it has to be something about Katie….." Drew begged.

"….you need to go ask Katie or Maya…I'm not going to be the messenger." Julian stated.

"How can you say that? I thought we were cool."

"You know you're my boy and all but do something up front from once. Stop hiding behind something."

"ummm hello." I did do something right….prom."

"Yeah…but that was for Bianca…..what have you ever done for Katie…if anything…Katie's always saved you.

Julian was right.

….

Fiona smiled wishing Declan and Holly J were there as she got their texts. She couldn't believe she was actually crying. Eli, Adam, and Imogen were good friends…but she didn't want to weigh them down with this.

It seemed as if she was weighing down Imogen with everything from her past….and she to. She was growing feelings for her. Why did she always get crushes on girls who were directly connected to the boys in her life….Holly J….now Imogen. It was really getting annoying to herself.

_Flashback_

"_Ok truth or date….I mean dare." Fiona caught herself._

"_Truth…"_

"_Have you always been this rebellious?"_

"_yeah…I want my life to be memorable…no regrets….."_

"_I have a lot of those..."Imogen moved her hair._

"_Bobby and Riley were just lessons…."_

"_Yeah…it's funny how me and Riley both turned out gay….but at least his love was right in his face…mine isn't….."Fiona shrugged._

"_She probably is…stop looking for it….it will come to you…."_

"_That was very…"_

"_corny…" Imogen mentally kicked herself._

"_no…..philosophical." Fiona smiled as Imogen's eyes widened._

…..

"Are you serious?" Dave asked Adam checking to make sure the mic was off.

"Yeah….caught them all over each other…." Adam said.

"O man…..is she going to tell Jake?" Dave asked.

"I don't know….Clare thinks that she's doing Eli a favor by staying away from him."

"Plus it would be super awkward to live in the same house as your ex. It's not like they would have worked out anyways…" Dave stated.

…..

Katie saw Marisol glare daggers at Bianca in Perino's class. She was thankful, Marisol was being the good friend…but it wasn't needed. She had no more energy anymore...and she didn't want to. She was trying to focus on getting better…if she could. At moments she wanted to fight…then at times she wanted to give up again…

Marisol couldn't pass judgment on anyone…especially with her reputation for boys…but to see her best friend humiliated like this. Only Katie could still walk the halls with her head held high like this….but Marisol knew her friend…and how she could make anyone believe her.

"Do your parents know you are bulimic?" Marisol asked as they walk out to their next class.

"Where is this coming from?" Katie clutched her books to her chest….hard.

'It's just that….I'm just checking up on you….that's all..I mean even during the election…" Marisol began.

"That was all your fault." Katie stopped abruptly.

"I know I know. What I am trying to say is that I am still sorry for hurting you…and I'm trying to make it up to you. I want to be a better friend."

"But what do my parents have to do with this?"

"….are you seriously asking that question?" Marisol said rhetorically. "If your parents knew….maybe they would back off…"

"My parents just want what is best for me…even when I don't. Just mind your own business." Katie stormed off.


	13. My Happy Ending

My Happy Ending

Avril Lavigne

Chapter 13

….

Jake saw how Clare looked at Eli…and Eli looked at Clare during school. She tried to hide the fact that she hung with him. If it were innocent…why try to hide it.

Clare knew he knew…he didn't know exactly but he guessed. Why were her morals so high? Guilt was all she could feel. Once, all she wanted to do was kiss him. Now all she wanted to do was run away.

Run away from something that she should have never started in the first place. Now they were sitting here at the dinner table. Pretending that everything was ok…when it wasn't.

"Clare….Jake….how is school" Glen asked eating some peas.

"Great…I'm on the newspaper staff…." Clare avoided Jake's eyes.

"Since it's the beginning of the year…I know you guys are excited. Jake you are a senior…are there any gatherings…dances….." Helen drank her wine happily.

"If there were I'd just go with friends or Jake." Clare stated.

"…or Eli…." He glared at Clare who dropped her fork on her plate.

"Umm may I please be excused?"

….

They were both doing something they should have done before summer….before Alli became obsessed with poker…before she almost put their lives in danger. They both made mistakes. But at this moment, they were fixing them.

Dave's fingers were itching to touch her as he took off her shirt.

"Alli are you sure?" He asked laying her on the bed as he played in her hair as she kissed his hand.

"Yes….I want you" She took off his shirt as they kissed. "…please be gentle…"

"I will." He kissed her….bruising her lips. They were both nervous. They always pictured their first time with eachother like this.

…

"Maya come on. We need to go out. I know you are worried about Katie, but you need some fun to. I'll do your make up and hair. We can sneak…..well your parents are gone…I can sneak out." Tori said as they drank their milkshakes.

"Ummmm, I don't know." She said as she put her head down as Drew came inside the eatery.

"Well hello Drew Torres." Tori said as Maya rolled her eyes as she saw that he saw her.

"O great….please don't come…please don't come…..great he's coming."

"Hey Maya….how's Katie…" Drew stood at their table as Maya ignored her.

"Why don't you ask her yourself?" Tori took up for her friend.

"I know it ended badly, but I do care for your sister…I hope you know that."

"In your own way." Maya said sarcastically.

…..

"We are so going to win." Katie said as they looked at their work. "This is definitely going to win."

"Stop it….." Julian said as they cleaned up the kitchen.

"…" She played with her fingers.

"You don't have to win everything….." He smiled handing her the satchel.

"I'm sorry…."

"Don't worry….its just a habit I'm going to break you out of." He stated as they walked out the house.

"Lets go to the Dot…"

….

"I love you….." Dave removed himself from her.

"I love you too…." She said breathing hard. Smiling brightly as he took her in her arms. This moment was theirs. No one could take it away from them. Even if her parents came in the room. They couldn't make her take it back…because she didn't want to…not now….not ever.

…..

"I'm not going to discuss me and Katie's relationship with you…" Drew stated turning around to see Katie walk in with Julian. What the hell?

"Julian I can't face him…."

"Yes you can…you have to….." Julian went to the bar to order something as Drew made his way toward her.

"I didn't want to start anything. I just wanted to say that I am sorry for how this ended…."

"Drew thank you for that but at times you can be so egotistical…."

"Excuse me?" He asked.

"You think everything is about you. I will survive without you. I am surviving without you. You don't give me purpose…." She said as Julian smiled.

"Well I hope you and Julian's project turns out good." He walked outside.

"I got you this." She looked at the double cheeseburger with mushrooms. It smelled so good. Could her body take it?

"You got to take a bit out of it…" She nodded. Why did she do what he told her….and she didn't want to put it down?

….

"Why didn't you tell me….." Jake came into her room minutes after her.

"I….." She began as she held a pillow to her chest/.

"You tell me you want a stable relationship. I give it to you…and this is what you do?" Jake lowered his voice so their parents wouldn't hear.

"O please…as if our relationship was so solid. Why did you kiss Alli….."

"I didn't kiss her…"

"Yes you did. You didn't push her off….and if I hadn't come…you wouldn't have stopped. This isn't love….but we want it so badly to be…its not there….." She shook her head.

"….."jake only left her room.

"You know it's true…." She said.

…..

"Mind if I join…." Katie asked Maya and Tori.

"Sure….did you enjoy the burger?" Maya smiled as Katie smiled.

"Why did Julian have to leave?" Tori asked. "He's so hot." Maya saw Katie shrug. Did she like Julian?

"He had other matters to handle." Katie tried to cut her off.

"He can handle me any day." Tori bit her lip. "I wonder if he is…."

"Tori is it just me or do you always talk about boys." Katie snapped.

"…"Tori held her head down and sipped her drink.

"Sorry Tori…I just am having a stressful day."

Yes she did like Julian.

….

"So how is the project coming?" Drew asked Julian as they suited up for practice.

"Good…we are done…."He stated.

"So there is no need for you to be around her." Drew stated. He didn't beat around the bush at all.

"We are just friends." Julian said. "Someone jealous…I thought you wanted Bianca."

"Look I do want Bianca…but that doesn't mean I want to see Katie get hurt."

"…because you didn't hurt her….look we are just friends…paranoid much."

…

"Fiona shut up…"Imogen laughed as they sat in the park. They were both playing the guessing game.

"Your turn." Fiona's eyes glowed.

"Ok….that couple just met….off….of…..…she doesn't know that he just got out of a bitter divorce. He doesn't know that she left her soon to be husband at the altar."

"Good one Moreno…" the prissy girl flipped your hair. "I think I'm gonna go back curly." She laughed.

"I like it either way…" Imogen blushed.

"….."They both looked at each other with an uncertainty…and something else.

"Fi….you've become one of my closet friends."

"you too…"Fiona bit her lip.

"I…..never mind…it can wait." Imogen smiled. She would not rush this. She would let it happen.

….

Like Julian would admit that he had feelings for Katie…she did too. Katie was just too stubborn to realize it. He saw the way her eyes glowed as she touched him…or how she held her breath when he was near her.

Katie found herself thinking about Julian too…but she didn't know where these emotions came from still. It really irritated. She found herself liking how he took care of her. This had to stop. His lips…muscles…ughhhhh.

…

Clare had to take a walk. She had to get her break-up off her mind. But is it a break-up when you two were both letting go? Well in her case, she let go. At the cabin, she actually thought they had a chance. They didn't have a chance because she didn't want them to…it was because they weren't meant to be.

Why was Eli always there? He always knew where to find her…and deep down, she didn't want it to stop. When he found her in the woods, that night….she was relieved. She felt something…saw something in those eyes.

Why did Eli always have to find her? He saw her sitting on their bench…with her head hung down. She regretted it and he pushed himself on her again….he could never get it right…NEVER!

Looking up, the world stopped…she saw him…he saw her.

…..

Jake knew this was happening right under his nose. He didn't want to see it…or believe it. He thought he saw love in her eyes as she read the bible scripture at the wedding. He thought….

He didn't know what to think now.

…..

Katie went back to school. She had to make sure everything was being handled properly. Picking up the vanilla folder entitled "Battle of the Brawns" she rolled her eyes…but this time playfully. It was really a good idea. She shouldn't have chopped Julian down like that.

She knew what being chopped down felt like. Everyday her pleas were ignored. That's why she accomplished so much at school...at least in school, she didn't have to focus on home.

…..

Drew didn't want Katie to think that he was being cocky. He just wanted to makes amends…but he realized. The best thing to do was to move on. He had what he wanted…Bianca. He knew that sounded selfish….but Bianca was better for him.

…..

Julian saw her in the office on his way from practice. Should he speak to her….no…..he didn't want to smother her space…but she looked up.

"Hey…Drew around you?" she asked as he came inside.

"No…..but he did try to get in my face…"Julian moved a chair beside her. Katie noticed his muscular arms….. Julian noticed she was looking at his arms…his shoulder in particular. He had a tattoo.

"It's my grandmother's name…."Julian stated. "Macey…."

"O…. I didn't mean to stare…I just….nothing." She found herself wanting to touch it.

"It's ok…want me to walk you home…."

"….yeah." she couldn't hide here forever.


	14. We'll Be A Dream

We'll be a dream

We the Kings

Chapter 14

….

"_Katie you have to stop doing this to yourself….please." Julian walked in the bathroom…finding her laying lifeless on the floor…tears streaming._

"_I cant…I cant….I have no one….."He gathered her in his arms._

"_yes you do….you have Maya, Marisol, and me…."_

"_I can't keep inconveniencing you all with my problems."_

"_Katie this isn't just a problem…"her eyes began to drupe._

"_Katie wake up…wake up…"_

Julian opened his eyes….touching his sweaty forehead. It was just a dream. Good. But he couldn't shake the feeling off. When did he find himself becoming worried about her like this?

Tossing in his bed…he was restless. He couldn't fight this feeling…in his head…in his body…..

Katie shouldn't be on his mind like this. Like she would be interested in him…..he was only fooling herself thinking she liked him…she could do better…after Drew….she was probably scarred. Dealing with her bulimia….now breakup. She probably wouldn't trust a guy for a long time.

…..

"_You look so beautiful…."Julian kissed her gently as they walked on the beach. Katie was genuinely happy. She was genuinely healthy. _

"_You do to." She smiled as he laced their fingers together. She closed her eyes enjoying how the water ran down their feet. It felt comforting…as he._

When did she start dreaming about Julian Thomas? But it felt good…to be with him.

Katie put on a hoodie. She had to go for a walk…clear her head. Walking in Maya's room, she kissed her forehead….. What would she do without her sister? Her true best friend.

Opening the door…..Julian stood there.

"What are you doing here?" they stared into each other's eyes.

"I had a bad dream about you." He couldn't believe he told her that.

"o…you dream about me" Katie clutched her hoodie.

"yeah…I just had to make sure you were all right." She welcomed him in.

"I had a dream too." She wouldn't tell him what it was about though.

"You going to be ok?" he asked as they sat on the couch.

"yeah…."she began to shake again. He gently put his arm around her.

"ummmmmm…"Her heart began to beat really fast….she got up quickly.

"sorry…."

"No…..I…I…." She didn't know what to say. She didn't want to be near him…and yet she did.

"Come on….I'll walk you to you room." She nodded as he followed her to her room. He was such a gentleman as he moved the cover for her to get in the bed.

"Will you stay with me?" Katie asked as he nodded…removing his shoes.

"Just sleep." Julian rested his arm around her as they fell asleep.

….

Katie woke up finding herself lying on Julian's chest. What the hell? She removed herself gently…already missing his arms around her.

"You slept well." Julian asked. She nodded as she stood up.

"I um….I slept really well." She said blushing.

"Its 11 o clock on a Saturday morning….and you are up." He laughed.

"…what's the matter with that?"

"Let me guess the only cartoons you watched were school house rock"

"Shut up." She hit him with a pillow.

"Or you will do what." He pulled her into the bed…tossing and turning as they both fought for dominance. How did Julian know how to pull her out of her shell? She didn't feel the need to purge.

Julian never noticed how gorgeous she was before. The sun made her red hair seem beautiful. There was no other word he could use to describe her.

"Julian…." Katie aid as he licked his lips.

"Yeah…." She whispered as he moved closer to her. Touching her cheek, he had to caught himself…this wasn't what she wanted.

"Julian….."she breathed as waited to feel his lips.

"I…should….probably…go….."he moved off the bed. She didn't mean for it to be awkward. She was just scared.

…

Fiona saw Imogen walk in the mall…and her breath was taken away. Imogen had her hair down. She had never seen her like this.

Imogen blushed as she saw Fiona walk up to her.

"Your hair…."

"Yeah…. I decided to do something with it…" they both blushed.

…

"Hey Katie…..o" Maya saw the two in the room. Did they?

Julian was never embarrassed like this. He didn't want Maya to think he was trying to take advantage of Katie. He cared for the gorgeous redhead more than he would like to admit. He looked at Katie as she went paler.

"I can go…..I just….."

"No…if you guys did….do that…it's your business…." The small blonde lowered her head. Talk about awkward.

"We didn't…"Katie got out of the bed.

"I know…I would have been able to hear you to…" that didn't help them at all either. Both were imaging each other…kissing…taking each other's clothes off.

…..

"Come on Coyne…" Imogen grabbed her hand as they headed for the picture booth.

"Why is it so imperative we do this…" Fiona asked.

"I'm surprised you don't like pictures….?" Imogen laughed as Fiona rolled her eyes as they got in the booth...

"I do but I've just learned that it's not always good to have attention on you always. Why is this fun again….."

"I guess….when I was little…my dad and I would always do this…when he was healthier….."Imogen said sadly.

"I'm sorry….."

"No don't be….I mean…it makes me feel close to him….or at least how I want to remember him…..the good him…not the man going back and forth in rehab." Fiona nodded at her confession.

"I never told anyone…not even Eli."

"Thanks for that….." Fiona smiled.

…..

"I can't believe we fell asleep in the park…." Clare woke up.

"Believe it….." Eli smiled watching her. He gave her that look in his eyes. He loved her.

When they saw each other….on their bench….they wanted to run away…pretend they didn't see each other, but their bodies didn't comprehend the message. They ran to one another. It didn't matter where they were going…just as long as they were together.

"I don't want to go back…." She laid back down on his chest.

"I know…." He held her to him…kissing her head….

"I should have been told Jake….i should have let it ended…." She shrugged

"Let's not think about that….for now…let's just focus on this moment."

…..

"No Fiona…thank you for not seeing me as some kind of freak." The eccentric beauty took off her glasses. "I….wanna look good for the picture….."

"Sorry I didn't mean to stare…" The princess was overwhelmed by her beauty…."Don't forget to pose…." She began pressed the button.

"Wait…I want to look good…because If this pic is nice I am replacing it with the one on my driver's license."

"It can't be that bad…let me see." Fiona laughed. "Mine looks worse…I'll show you mine."

"I doubt it…." Imogen stated. "You're like…crazy beautiful…"

"Yeah….umm…I'm gonna press the bottom…" They both smiled as they put bunny ears behind each other's heads…Fiona didn't notice the flash. All she could think about was how close Imogen was….how she wanted to kiss her.

Imogen couldn't let this opportunity pass. She wanted no regrets. Gently moving their faces together….the two kissed gently. Fiona was nervous at first….but soon relaxed. It felt so good.

…

"I'll see you later…" Julian said as he opened the door.

"Yeah…ummm thanks for the good night sleep." Katie stated looking down.

"No problem." He lifted her chin…..kissing her cheek. Before she could register, he walked off as she closed the door….holding her cheek.

"Awwwww." Maya teased as Katie walked passed her. "And don't you dare say you don't like him."

"Maybe….I do…ok."


	15. Crying Blood

Crying Blood

V.V. Brown

Chapter 15

…

This town was too small. He kept bumping into the people he did not want to see. He knew Clare was with Eli…but to actually see them in each other's arms…here in the park…hurt him.

But as much as it did, he knew they would have ended up here. She was using him as a rebound….that was what he got for even starting a causal relationship. Any relationship only resulted in hurt. His parents taught him that.

They didn't see him….good. He needed this time to himself. It made no sense talking to Clare about the situation….it was like talking in circles.

Marisol saw Jake sitting there. She just wanted some time to reevaluate herself….and think of ways to help Katie. She was selling herself short. She was more than just a girl who had looks…she had to discover it for herself.

Seeing Jake…she didn't want to disturb him….turning around she stepped on a twig.

"Hey…" Jake stated as the sound broke his train of thought.

"…O…I was just….." Marisol began.

"Needed a place to think….."Jake finished as she nodded.

"Yeah…..I can go find…"

"No there is plenty of room here." He scooted over as she sat down. By the way of her face she saw Eli and Clare too.

"Sorry about the breakup." Marisol said.

"Me too…but it's for the best. What brings you here?"

"Just Katie…I mean, she is such a good person and I haven't been as good to her as she has been to me….."

"Sometimes people see what they themselves can't see." He folded his hands together, leaning forward.

"Don't play Jake….what I did to her during the election….was awful…..It's unforgivable." She bit her lip.

"Marisol the only true mistake is the one you don't learn from…." He said turning to look at her.

"….even then it makes you wonder if you yourself are the mistake." She looked crestfallen.

…..

"How's Katie." Drew asked as they lifted weights in the gym.

"She's good." Julian said directly.

"Ummmm….did I say something wrong…"

"No…but Drew you lost that right to when you picked Bianca over her." Julian sat the weight down to drink from his water bottle.

"…I was just…just because I broke up with her doesn't mean I don't care about her as a friend."

"I know Drew….but it isn't your place. And it's not right for you to ask that when you know you are the reason."

"Look, I don't regret choosing B. When did you become Team Katie?"

"I'm not saying that you regret it…but just stop trying to act so high and mighty." Julian rolled his eyes.

…

"So are you going to finally admit it….." Maya made her big sister sit down…handing her a pop-tart.

"Admit what…" She chewed it slowly. She was glad she was able to swallow something without feeling guilty.

"Your crush on Julian…it would explain your blow out on Tori…" Maya laughed fixing her glasses.

"Tori can just be so annoying at times…about guys…" Katie scoffed.

"Because Marisol's sense of chatter is so enlightening." Maya said sarcastically as her sister blushed.

"I don't even know how it happened….."

"Yes!" Maya shouted. "I knew it….I knew it…you two would be so cute…."

"Maya…I swear if you tell him."

"I won't….I promise….but you have to admit….you like the idea too."

"So what if I do…."Katie shrugged…checking her phone as she got a text.

_Remember…stay strong…I'll see you later_

"Judging by the smile on your face….that was him."

"So what if it was?"

…

Jake didn't know Marisol had this much depth to. Seeing her around school, he thought she was happy go lucky…no care in the world.

"What….surprised the home wrecker has feelings?" She asked.

"No…..well I don't know…" Jake shrugged. "It's just like me. I'm a nonchalant person…so it does surprise people when I get like this."

"We all need time to ourselves" Marisol said…closing her eye. "It really hurts when people call me that….but that's people…the girl gets labeled….K.C. pursued me. I know I shouldn't have done it….but…you wouldn't understand."

"Try me…I know all about casual relationships and feelings getting attached."

"I'm not making an excuse for myself….so I don't want anyone to think that…but I made a vow to hurt boys like they did me….and every time I do…I get burned.

"Why would you do that?"

"….Freshman year…I fell for this guy…and he said all the right things…and I gave into him….then he dropped me…..at that moment…I promised I was going to hurt guys like they hurt me…I wanted the power…the control."

"Marisol…not every guy is bad….not every guy wants to hurt you."

"I know…I know…and I put myself in that situation…"

"…this really sucks…" They both laughed as Jake continued. "I mean can we ever get it right?"

…

"Was that kiss for real…." Fiona asked…realizing they were still in the photo booth.

"Yeah….." Imogen said shyly touching Fiona's lips. "Did you like it?"

"Very much so…I sound so….dorky…" Fiona blushed touching Imogen's hands.

"You could never be dorky…" Imogen leaned in again.

…

"One…we will…." Marisol stated. "…and I'm sorry for complaining about your cabin."

"Water under the bridge…"Jake laughed. "It is pretty old."

"I had no right…I actually have no right to do a lot of things actually." They both laughed.

"Well since you know…." Jake stated.

"I'm one of the HBIC's at school. I can't show weakness…" She laughed.

"It's good to see you like this….low key…." Jake smiled.

"Yeah…jumping into your arms was over the top…." She stated rolling her eyes at herself. Jake would never tell, but he liked it.

"OMG….I got the best idea…"

"…let me guess….party…"

"hahaha….but we all need a pick me up…..your party was definitely something." Marisol stated.

"I didn't know that story would scare you so…." Jake laughed realizing he was forgetting all about Clare and Eli.

"I scare easily ok…." She stuck out her tounge.

….

"Alli is it wrong of me to do Jake like that?" Clare asked as she sat on her best friend's bed.

"Clare you followed your heart. What's wrong with that…." Alli tried to give her friend clarity.

"Sometimes…the heart and mind get confused." Clare stated biting her lip. "I'm immoral…I truly am…I saw Jake there….and I didn't care….the only thing I wanted was Eli…."

"That's life sometimes…we find ourselves in situations where we…."

"Don't care about others….." Clare said with sarcasm.

"No do what is best for us despite everyone else." Alli held her hand.

"You're right…so are you and Dave on the right track…."

"Yes…" Alli blushed uncontrollably reliving the other night in her head so vividly.

"You were right Als…."Clare began.

"No….stop….we were both wrong. We could have done better listening to each other. When you needed me…the only thing I could think of was Drew…heck even Johnny."

"Still though….you're my best friend…." Clare hugged her…as she hugged her back.

….

"Leave it up to Mar…to throw a party." Katie rolled her eyes as she received the text.

"She's only doing it for you." Maya stated handing Katie her pills and a bottle of water. "How is the knee….."

"Good….I don't know how to tell mom though. I don't even want to tell her."

"Then don't tell her….lie." Maya said like it was common sense.

"I can't lie to them…."

"Why not…I do it all the time….no big deal…." The blonde laughed grabbing her sister's hand.

"Where are we going?" Katie asked.

"To get you something to where tonight….Julian is going to be there."

"You don't know that."

"Yeah I do." Katie hid her laugh hoping he would be there.


	16. Your Love

Your Love

Nicki Minaj

Chapter 16

…..

Kaite's eyes were adjusting to the darkness…and neon lights of the party. She was always amazed by Marisol's powers. How could one girl throw a good party on the spur of the moment? The thought only made her laugh. That was her best friend Marisol.

"You are smiling…that's good." Maya stared at Katie who looked relaxed for once in a while.

"Yeah…thanks for the make-over did you become a fashionista?" Katie smiled thinking back to how long it took to do her make-up and pick out her outfit. She was never really a girly girl. It took Marisol and Maya hours to teach her how to walk in heels over 3 inches.

"Tori…duh." The two sisters stood there observing their surroundings.

"OMG…Julian is here and he is looking at you." Maya said with giddiness.

"You have been hanging around that girl for way too long." Katie looked over at him and smiled.

Julian didn't think Katie could look any better than she did…no way…but seeing her in the strapless white sequins dress and silver heels…he couldn't for any words. Usually he didn't have to try so hard to get a girl's attention. They just came to him, but Katie was different.

He actually had to pursue her. She was interested in him….as he her. At first he was worried about Drew's reaction. Not because he was scared of him…but because that was his friend. But soon, he didn't care what he thought….Dave didn't care.

…

"You did not have to help me with the party Jake." Marisol watched as everyone danced.

"Actually I did. I needed to get away…." Jake led her to the rest area in the teenage club. "How did you do this anyways?"

"My cousin owns the club and my other cousin is the bouncer anyway. He owes me anyway. My dad loaned him money to open the club."

"Cool." Jake nodded. "I can see you added your taste." Marisol smiled at this. She loved decoration and immaculateness.

"Yeah…black and red were my idea for the couches…the marble floors….and columns…yeah…I'm good at what I do." She laughed.

"I see." He looked down.

"Jake you can't keep dodging Clare and Eli. You live with her."

"I know….there is nothing to face. There is nothing that needs to be said. I guess my ego is hurt a little bit."

"I know the feeling. My ego and pride have been hurt over millions of times." She stated. "Sorry too much information."

"Actually it's not. I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels like this." He said.

…

Julian liked her…he was better for Katie than he was…and Drew knew it. He always knew Katie could do better than him…not saying that Bianca couldn't do better than him…but him and Katie were just for the moment.

He almost laughed softly as he saw Julian try not to look at her from across the floor.

"Julian….go talk to her." Drew saw his friend look at Katie.

"…"

"….What….I know you like her….and she likes you….." Drew said knowing he wrong for wanting Katie to move on…not because he wanted her. He was like a kid with a toy…once he was tired of it, he put it down….but then when someone else played with it…he became jealous of him.

"I am….I just don't want to be too overbearing." He said as he saw Katie stare at him.

….

"Come on Dave….let's dance." Alli said grabbing his hand….leading them to the dance floor.

"Alli Bhandari…what have you done with my girlfriend." Dave said as he twirled her around.

"She's here." She smiled resting her head against his chest. "You know you are the only person who can make me feel comfortable out of my element…and for that I love you."

"I love you too." He tilted her chin up kissing her. "Being with you has helped me become a better a person..I know I made a huge mistake…thank you for giving me another chance…and I promise to never hurt you like that again….."

"we've both hurt each other…even as friends we did….but we always found ourselves near one another…"

"….you're stuck with me whether you like it or not." They both smiled.

…

Jenna smiled at her two best friends. They were both so happy. She remembered when she was happy like that….with K.C. and then it all changed. She was in a relationship by herself…but that was what she got for stealing him from Clare.

But she did not regret having Tyson…..she regretted liking K.C. It's amazing how people run when you need them the most.

She had stayed to herself for so long, she almost forgot what it felt like to be at parties. Alli and Dave made her come out…but she knew K.C. would be here…and he was…but he stayed his distance from her….until now.

"K.C. there is nothing…" She began.

"Jenna…you know I miss you….please….." He pleaded.

"Are you serious? You miss me after Marisol or do you miss me because no one wants you?" She tried to walk off as he grabbed her wrist.

"Jenna….I….."

"Frankly, I have nothing to say….take your hands off of me." She made a scene as others stopped dancing…he let her go.

…..

"You having fun?" Julian whispered in her ear from behind…resting his hand around her waist.

"Yeah….." She almost jumped feeling his breath down her neck.

"Didn't mean to scare you…." He smiled. "You look beautiful….and healthier….."

"I've been eating….I haven't thrown up….." She said as he smiled...moving beside her. "Actually, when I get the urge…all I can hear is your voice telling me to be strong….." She stated resting her hand on his shoulder.

"That's good….I'm proud of you…did you…maybe…want to dance?" He asked.

"ummmmm…yeah…but I can't dance…I can barely walk in these heels." She said.

"Don't worry…" He smiled as he took her hand.

…

"So….what are you going to do?" Marisol referenced to his dilemma.

"What can I do? Wish her and Eli the best…and let her know…that there are no hard feelings." Jake stated."…and you?"

"What do you mean me?"

"Your habit of always getting hurt." He scooted a little closer to her as the music got louder.

"I've just come to the conclusion that I will always be lonely because I keep making the same mistakes…"

"Don't say that….and you won't be lonely….."

"Why is that?" Marisol asked.

"Because now you want to change. You see the problem and you want to make it better….and you will make it better." He smiled realizing that she wasn't as materialistic as others thought. It was her persona she created because she never felt comfortable in her own skin. He could tell by the way she was shrugging as he stared at her.

"I need the encouragement…." She said as they stared at the dance floor.

"Want to dance?" Jake held his hand out as she laughed.

"Do you know how too?" Marisol asked knowing he didn't.

"Actually, I was hoping you could teach me…" She shook her head laughing grabbing his hand.

….

Katie wasn't afraid of soccer or teachers…but when it came to boys, it was a foreign concept….especially Julian. She found herself not knowing what to say.

As he took her to the dance floor, he felt her shake a little bit. That was good. It only meant she was as nervous as he was.

"You've never danced before." Julian asked as he rested his arm around her waist.

"Prom Julian…." She stated.

"Not that kind of dancing…you know what I mean…" He said as she blushed. "It's cool. I'll teach you." He said turning her around as she instinctively rested her hand behind his neck. He smiled as she got into the rhythm.

"I love this song." Katie whispered in his ear. She wasn't a Nicki Minaj fan, but this song was nice to hear. It was rare when you heard rap songs about love anymore.

"Me too." He turned her around looking into her eyes. The music was blaring loud, but neither one paid attention to it. They were captivated by one another. Julian placed his hands on her face as she rested hers on his wrists.

She bit her lip waiting for him to lean in.

"Katie you are making it so hard for me right now….to not kiss you." It was out in the open…it couldn't be taken back….he swallowed hard…resting his head against hers.

"What's stopping you?" That was all that needed to be said as their lips met. Katie had never been kissed like this before. She moaned feeling his hands in her hair…as his tongue beg for entry.

Moving their lips together, his tongue glided into her mouth.

"Woah….." Katie caught her breath as he kissed her gentler. He had to remember that she had not been experienced as he. He remembered Drew talking about how she never really showed affection towards him…then why was she showing him?


	17. Check Yes Juliet

Check Yes Juliet

WE The Kings

Chapter 17

…

Katie almost fell when his lips pulled away. They were the only ones on the floor. They couldn't hear the music…all they knew was that they missed each other's lips. Shyly she reached up to kiss him again. This time…she let him taste her tongue.

"Katie….stop." Julian pulled his lips away….moving his arms around her waist.

"Yeah…we should…"She said as he hungrily pulled them back together. It was as if the last statement wasn't said.

Julian couldn't believe she tasted this good…so sweet. Her tongue so sweet.

"I'm getting a little dizzy." She breathed hard as she pulled away.

"I'll take you home." He laced their fingers together as they walked out the club.

…

"All I wanted to do was talk to her." K.C. said to Drew and Dave.

"…In a club?" Drew asked as he sipped his drink.

"Was it wrong?" The tall boy asked looking at the two.

"You two need to talk outside of a place like this." Dave stated as his friend held his head down.

"I should just move on. She will never forgive me….."

"K.C. do what you gotta do." Dave stated.

…..

Katie smiled as Julian squeezed her hand. It was good knowing she wasn't alone. She only smiled as nothing was said. Nothing needed to be said as they walked to her door.

"Katie…ummmm" Julian kissed her as she was about to open the door.

"…umm do you want to come inside? I mean…not like that….I mean….I just…miss you. I like you…I'm rambling…I don't.." She said.

"It's ok…." He stopped her as she opened the door…glad she left the light on before she went to the party.

"It's just that…I'm not that kind of girl…I just like talking to you…" She said as he nodded.

"Me too." He sat down on the couch as she turned on the tv for him. "I'll go get you a drink." She hurried off running into the kitchen…opening the refrigerator, she rolled her eyes seeing they had no sodas…only juice. Pouring some in a glass…she heard a noise upstairs.

….

"I didn't look too bad out there did I?" Jake and Marisol sat down on the sofa.

"Actually no…."She said crossing her legs shrugging.

"You seem surprised." He said…obviously her mind was on something.

"No…I am having fun. I just…this party is for Katie…..I hope she is enjoying it."

"Don't worry…she is…." Jake said remembering seeing Katie and Julian dance together. "She was with Julian most of the time. You gave her what she needed." He smiled hoping he was making her feel better.

….

It was her…It was her. She was back. Why didn't she notice it? How could she be so stupid? How could Julian make her so blind? She tried to breathe slow as the hairs on her neck stood up. Gripping onto the marble counter, she almost fell down.

She was going back to her old ways. Katie couldn't live like this…she couldn't! But she found herself in the corner trying to hide like a child….forgetting about Julian until he came finding her.

In the bathroom, Mrs. Matlin heard her daughter come inside the house. What was she doing out so late…and where was Maya? This wasn't the daughter she knew. What scared her more was hearing a boy's voice. Katie wasn't going to get away with this. Coming downstairs she found the two in the kitchen.

"Get your hand off my daughter." She said sternly as she saw Julian help Katie up.

"Mom….He was just…."

"Leaving…Julian go now…."

"I'm not leaving her with you…."Julian firmly said.

"Don't you test me…..I know what you are after. You are the kind of guy who preys on good girls like Katie. You get a kick out of making them forget their morals. " She walked up to him. "Katie tell him to leave now…."

"Mom…..he was just…he's a friend"

"Like Drew was…So this is what you have been doing while I gone…another boy…."

"Julian…please….leave now…." Katie said.

"Katie don't let her do this to you….."

"Just go…" She yelled at him.

"This is why you are so weak….you can't stand up for yourself. You forget the real reward. I thought I brought you up better than this….and then where is Maya?"

"….don't even answer…probably with that easy Tori again…and let me guess….you met Julian through Marisol….."

"Mom….we were doing a project together….please….I'm sorry…I'm sorry…."

"You're not sorry yet. Where is she?"

"…."

"I am going to ask you this again…where is she?"

"At Marisol's club…."

Her mother left the house.

…

Why didn't she tell Julian to stay? Why did she give into her mother….again. She could only breathe trying to process the verbal abuse she had received. She would never get use to it. It always cut through her every time… and every time, the same tears would shed.

Julian would probably never want to speak to her again. That was good…because she did have a lot of baggage…and she could get messy at times. Walking up the stairs, she passed the bathroom, she felt the urge, but ignored it…..She ignored the urge to purge.

A moment she had longed to be happy for…she was not. Opening the door, she was surprised to see Julian sitting on her bed like he was meant to be there.

"How did you get in here?" Katie saw Julian on her bed looking at her scared disposition.

"I climbed the tree." He smiled slowly walking to her…embracing her.

"Julian you have to go…..please…just go…I don't want you here…"

"Shhh….." He picked her up putting her in the bed as he locked her door and her window.

"Please don't let me throw up again….."She whispered gripping his shirt.

"I won't…."

…

"Thanks for helping me clean up." Marisol said to Tori, Maya and Jake.

"No problem. I haven't seen Katie so happy in…actually never." The girls laughed as Jake rolled his eyes walking over the stereo system…turning it off.

"Who wouldn't be happy to have Julian?" Tori laughed as she picked up cups and put them in a bag.

"We know Tor…you think he is the hottest guy at school." Maya teased and reinforced. "He is cute…."

"But definitely not the hottest…" Jake said taking off his jacket to sweep as Marisol rolled her eyes. "Someone is cocky."

"That's me country and cocky…."

"Besides…where is Clare?" Tori asked as Marisol gave her a catty look. "What….."

"She decided not to come." Jake smiled to himself glad that Marisol was trying to help.

"O she missed out…" Tori shrugged as they heard someone come inside the door…Mrs. Matlin. And she didn't look to thrilled.

"Maya…in the car now….Marisol…Tori…stay away from my daughters….I don't want them catching you whorish ways."

….

"You and your sister are in big trouble…." Mrs. Matlin drove.

"For going to some party….heaven forbid we have any fun…." Maya said. She was definitely not her sister.

"For being disobedient…to me. I don't ask for much….I don't…."

"Ask Katie….."

"Excuse me?" Her mother pulled on the side of the road. "I have done nothing but try to…."

"You want to know why I resent you so much….because of the way you mistreat Katie. You never listen to her…you never listen to me…you see her do well in sports and school and you never acknowledge it. Do you know what it's like to see her throw up?

"….."

"No that's right…you don't…because you want her to be perfect. You know she idolizes you." Katie unbuckled herself getting out of the car.

"Get back in this car." She ignored her. She just had one more block to walk. She had done this so many times it didn't phase her.

…..

"Marisol…I'll drive. You don't need to when you are like this." He said as they switched seats dropping Tori off.

"She's right….no matter what I do. I will always be labled. Poor Katie. I could never live under that kind of pressure. To constantly have your faults thrown in your face like that." She dried her eyes as Jake gently reached for her hand…she snatched it away.

"Jake I need to stop doing this…reaching out to boys when I'm like this."

"Marisol. I am reaching out to you…because you need to be comforted." He said as she nodded.

…..

"What are you thinking about?" Julian let her head rest on his chest.

"…about how I am getting better…usually after her tantrums, I run straight to the bathroom…but this time, I tired of putting myself through this pain. I would have never talked to you again if this had of happened a couple of months ago…but I'm stronger now…and I want to do better."

"I knew you could do it…."

"Thanks for not giving up on me….I hope Mayas alright. Mom can be…."

"Trust me…I'm pretty sure she can handle herself…"

"I know she is like 15 going on 35." They laughed hearing a knock on the door.

"Katherine open up….." Maya teased as she did.

"It must have gotten pretty rough for you to lock your door again." Maya sat down on the bed with them.

"Yeah….same as usual….not being good enough…"

"Typical mom…." Maya rolled her eyes. "Don't worry about it. I told her off….good."

"Why would you do that?"

"Because she needed to hear it. You always protect me…now it's my turn."

"So you walked the whole way here…in the dark…" Katie got angry.

"just a block…mom took off…you can get mad all you want but it is not fair how they treat you…and it's even worse how you take up for her. You're a recovering bulimic…that you still try to hide." Katie put her head down.

"I just …"

"You just need to accept yourself." Julian finished.

…

"Thanks. I needed to hear that." Marisol squeezed tightly as she looked at the road. She was unnerved when she saw paramedics and police officers barricading the area.

All they could see were two cars…one Mercedes hit from the back badly…the Honda totaled. One of the driver was crying to the police as the lifted the other victim on the stretcher.

"Don't worry just an accident." Jake stated.

"I hope everyone is ok." Marisol looked at the white Mercedes that had gotten hit from the back. It looked like Mrs. Matlin's car. She continued to look out of her window…squinting to see a clear picture…all she saw were bright red lights.

She gripped Jake's hand as her heart stopped seeing the woman with red hair.

The paramedic pushed Ms. Matlin's body in the truck rushing off.

"That was Katie's mom." Marisol said loudly dialing.

…..

"I'm serious Katie….I love you." Maya hugged Katie as her phone rang.

"It's Marisol….I can call her back." She smiled as Julian held her closer and Maya pretended to gag at the couple.

"It's nice to see you two together." She said rolling her eyes as her cell phone began to ring. It was an unknown number.

"This is weird." She answered it with curiosity. Julian and Katie noticed her panic when she hung up. Tears began to form.

"Are you sure?" Maya asked.

"Sis what's going on?" Katie kept asking.

"Ok…were on our way."

"Mom's been in a car accident."Maya hung up.

"Come on…let's go." Julian said.


	18. I Said

I Said

Michelle Featherstone

Chapter 18

…..

Julian could only try to stay calm as he drove them to the hospital. Occasionally, he would look in his mirror to view the girls as they held each other and silently prayed.

He knew the feeling…praying….wishing for more time….memories of his grandmother crossed his mind. Seeing his grandfather cry…But he had to think straight and get them to the hospital safely.

"I didn't mean for her to wreck…." Maya cried. She didn't…all she wanted was for her mother to love them for who they truly were. She wanted her big sister to love herself.

"It's not your fault. No one is blaming you." Katie dried her eyes.

"You don't have to be so brave." Maya said softly and Katie nodded.

"I'll get us there as soon as possible." Julian said as Katie held Maya closer. Her phone began to ring.

"Katie your mom in on her way to the hospital….she was in a bad wreck…." Marisol screamed in her ear.

"We know…we are on our way…."Katie said trying to keep it together. She was guilty. She wanted her mom to go away and never come back. Now it seemed like it was happening. She didn't want her mom to die…and leave her. As much as she hated her, she loved her.

…

"You missed a good party." Alli sat on Clare's bed. Alli loved how her friend didn't mind as she expectantly showed up at her door step but Alli knew Clare. She didn't go because she knew Jake was going to be there. She knew Clare felt as if she was walking on Jake's territory in some odd way.

"I just didn't feel like going." Clare shrugged.

"This wouldn't have anything to with Jake…would it?" Alli batted her eyes playfully.

"Maybe…I still feel guilty…I know I did the best thing for me." Clare smiled looking at the text Eli sent her. _"I Love you."_

"You did….and he is moving on too." She said hoping she wasn't striking a nerve. "He was with Marisol." Alli shrugged.

"….Well…that's good. I knew she would make her way to him." Clare stated remembering how she broke down after seeing Eli move on with his life. "…but it isn't bothering me…I kind of feel relieved."

"Good."

"Should I feel this relieved? When I thought Eli moved on, it hurt so much. I didn't want to move on…then I did because he did…and now I went back to him…because I…."

"….Wanted too." Alli concluded. "Jake will get over it." Clare smiled at her friend's gift of always telling her what she needed to hear.

…..

Marisol rushed in the hospital leaving Jake behind as she tried to find Katie. Time stopped as she inhaled….exhaled…ignoring the sweat on her forehead…ignoring the pain her feet felt. She forgot to take her heels off.

She must have looked unkempt by the way the different medical professionals looked at her as she ran to the main desk. Gripping her hands to marble desk, she didn't realize she was talking so fast until the receptionist told her to calm down and talk slowly.

"Mrs. Matlin….Marie Matlin." She said with urgency as Jake caught up with her.

"….She is in room 909."

She rushed off as Jake stopped her. "What? I got to go to my friend."

"I know….but you are not going to be any help or comfort if you all over the place."

"You're right….I need you here to keep me thinking straight." She stated as they took the elevator.

….

All she wanted to do was cry…but her walls were rising again. She had to be strong for Maya and herself. She had to be prepared for what the doctor had to tell them. It was her duty as the big sister. She felt Julian rub her bad up and down…telling her he was there for them…but her mind was so far way…and he knew it….but he stayed with her regardless.

"Maya…we will get through this." Katie held her hand as the doctor came out of the room.

"Your mother…is resting….she's stabilized with a little head trauma….but she is coherent…."

"That's good…thank you. Can we see her?" Maya asked.

"Yes…but for a little bit…she can hear you." The doctor said walking off as they went inside the room. Holding each other's hands, they saw their mother laying there on the bed. Oxygen pumping in her nose…the occasional beep from the machine.

"I know you are mad at us…but we are so sorry….I am sorry." Maya kissed her mother on the cheek.

"We love you." Katie said as they walked out seeing Marisol.

"Is she alright?" Marisol asked. "Tori says call her."

"I could only tell her I love her." Katie said as she sat down by her friend. "I should be thankful. I wanted her here."

"No you didn't. You thought you did…and no matter the cruel thoughts you think about her…you don't want her dead because you love her."

"Where is Julian?" Katie said with distress ignoring Marisol's attempt to console her.

"…He went outside to take a breather. This is the same hospital his grandmother died."

"…I need to see him." Katie rushed off.

….

"You sure you are not upset or jealous?" Alli asked.

"…it's just awkward… She said as her phone rang. "Speak of the devil."

"You are so lucky…mom and glen are gone." She put the phone on speaker laying it on her bed.

"….I am…look I am at the hospital." He said in his nonchalant manner.

"Is everything ok?" Clare asked with concern. She noted that his voice that once brought her assurance did nothing.

"yeah…Katie's mom was in a wreck and I am here with Marisol." Jake rubbed the back of his head looking at Marisol begin to breathe slowly. She was obviously exhausted.

"….ok…tell her I am sorry to hear that." Clare and All said.

"I will…." He hung up sitting beside Marisol as he grabbed her hand.

….

Katie saw him pacing back and forth….like he was fighting himself. He was fighting his past memories.

"…Julian why didn't you tell me." Katie walked outside seeing him sit on the bench.

"It wasn't my place to say anything. You are dealing with your mom. You need me now."

"You need me too. I am worried about her…but…"

"…you don't have to be strong for everyone else. I can be your strength." He kissed her bringin her into his arms as she cried.

"I just want to not think about not losing her. Maya is the tough one. I don't want to let her down."

"Katie do you know how proud of you she is. "

"Do you know how proud of you your grandpa is?" Katie asked back looking as his face stiffened a little bit.

"He is Julian…I see the love in his eyes he has for you. I see how he has your trophies and pictures gathered together in the corner of the living room….it's a shrine be grateful because my mother never will be proud of me."

"Yes she will be." Julian held her.

"Julian I was so jealous of you when I saw your home. Your grandpa loves you so much and I know you grandmother did too…"

"but my parents…."

"at least you have two other parents." Katie said. "I wish I had that….keep it close to you. I have a father who is never really at home and a mom who might as well not be home either."

"I remember losing her…losing Macey…and I wouldn't wish that on anyone….but I knew she loved me…"

"And you need to hear that from your mother….I know you resent her…you and Maya…but you have to forgive and let it go."

…..

Jake came back from the vending machine with two coffees. This was one hell of a night. Never would he have guessed this all could happen. He saw Marisol sitting up…asleep.

Marisol was to hard on herself. She didn't see that she was being more than a best friend even now. He didn't know to many of his friends…at least here in the city…that would stay at the hospital all night for their friend. Why couldn't she show this side to everyone at school? Sitting their drinks down, he put his jacket on her.

"Katie…" Marisol said with sleep as she felt the slight movement.

"No its me…." He said. "You need some sleep. Come on."

"But what about…."

"She is ok….Julian has her." Jake said as she nodded taking her shoes off.

…..

Katie knew Julian was right. She was so glad he was there with the both of them. Anger…guilt….relief…frustration…were only the few emotions she felt. Looking at her mother through the glass window of the door, she cried…for herself and her mother.

Because her mother will never know…will never see how her emotional neglect and words hurt her daughters. She will never see how she would try to be the perfect daughter. Maya's words went in one ear and out of the other.

Placing her hand on the glass, Katie closed her eyes…trying to convince herself to hate her mother with all her might...but it was no use…and she didn't want to.

She would always want her mother's love and acceptance as a person.


	19. Throwing Punches

Throwing Punches

Paramore

19

…

He was always there for her…and she in return…but she felt as if he was getting the short end of their relationship. They did talk…and grew…but it was always about the stressors in their lives. They hadn't had to chance actually go out together….besides the party.

A date…was what she wanted. She wanted to feel like a real couple. She imagined him in a polo with Vans and her hair in curls as they enjoy the night. And sadly, she felt selfish for wanting this when her mother was in her fragile condition. Days went by and no progress until she felt her grip her hand.

_Flashback_

_To love and hate at the same time may be complicated to some, but to Katie it was easy. It was more than enough…overbearing. To have her mother in that hospital…waiting for her to wake…was more than enough._

_Wiping her tears, she began remembering all the calls she had received. People telling her that her mother was strong….and loved them with all their hearts. They said she had reminded them of her. NEVER would she be like her mother._

_Never would her children know the feeling of inferiority. Never would she be afraid to show her emotions._

_Opening the door, she sat in the chair next to her bed. She was beautiful. Even with the tubes, she looked like sleeping beauty. That gut clenching pain in her chest, was the hate…envy….and love._

"…_.just wake up. It's been almost a week and you haven't woken up…I think you're mad at me and Maya…and I know you know we are mad at you….Maya has always been able to speak her mind….but I have always been able to speak when it mattered….and now it does…just come back…please because we need you….stop hiding…because I was never able to hide from you." She pleaded desperately._

_Katie broke down resting her head on the bed as she felt a small grip. She could hear them._

….

Katie felt their eyes on her as she walked down the halls. They knew…they all knew…about her mother. Gripping her binder to her chest, she was trying to block out all noises she was hearing. All the whispers…her eyes were blood shot…from the crying…to the lack of sleep.

Opening her locker, she smiled seeing the card Julian put inside of it. "_Don't shut me out because I always here for you."_ She breathed slowly holding the card to her heart. She needed to know that.

Feeling a tap on her shoulder, she smiled knowing it was Julian there…turning around, she frowned.

"Bianca…" She said blandly. "Drew…"

"Look I know…you and me…I just wanted to say I hope your mother is getting better." Drew began.

"Cut the act you two have. You don't have to play games or pretend."

"You know what. You can be so arrogant at times. Me and Drew are trying to do the right thing." Bianca defended them.

"You two get a pat on the back for doing the right thing for once in your lives." Katie rolled her eyes.

"Look what I did to you. What we had…."

"Now who's arrogant? I don't want you Drew. I have Julian and he's the best thing that I have had in my life lately. Get over yourself. It's like you think you have some power over me…and you don't."

"…and you Bianca. The minute you returned in Drew's life…you wanted everything to be about you. You and him both didn't care about my bulimia…or even respect me as a person. You know what. This isn't about me. It's about my mother…and she is laying in a hospital bed and there is nothing I can do about it." Katie cried as Bianca's features softened. But who was she to hug her. Who was Drew to hug her?

"Keep your apologies…because you didn't mean it." Katie walked off as Bianca bit her lip looking at Drew. They did mean it.

….

It was as if the weekend never happened. The moments at the park…party…and hospital didn't exist between them. Somehow…they made it to Thursday without saying a word. How did it happen?

He knew how it happened? He was being too clingy.

Flashback

Jake didn't know why his fingers were tingling. Anxiously, he shoved them in his pockets. Not too many people knew about him…but they all said the same thing. He was too laid back.

It was a gift and a curse. Many people thought he didn't care…and they were right. He was never one to worry or overexert himself about silly things. But when he did care, he cared a lot. Somewhere he found himself caring about Marisol.

He saw her standing at her locker, looking into her mirror as she put on her lip gloss.

Marisol saw him…and she began to shake. She didn't need to be around him. Not now.

"Hey…"

"hey…ummmm…I got to go. I got to…." She tried to rush off but Jake grabbed her wrist.

"Where's the fire?" He asked. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No….." she looked down. She was beyond scared. Scared that would find herself liking a boy she shouldn't like. Why not stop it before it began. Why did he have to show her attention when she didn't know herself if she was ready? She didn't trust herself…and she found herself mad at herself.

"No….Jake I have to go find Katie….." Jake saw how she couldn't look him in the eyes. She was clutching her binder so tight, he was surprised her knuckles weren't hurting.

"Obviously you are lying…." She rolled her eyes. He was a constant annoyance. Why did he have to be so smug about everything?

"What is with the girls of Degrassi?" He leaned up against her locker.

"Excuse me? You have some nerve." She shut her locker as he grabbed her wrist again.

"No you have some nerve. Despite what people say about you, I decided to see for myself. And I saw I something I had never seen before…."He gently stroked her cheek.

"Jake…you don't know what you saw." She made a mental note of how his hand felt

"your acting childish. What are you scared of?..."

"Just stay away from me…." She walked off.

…

Jenna hadn't felt like playing in a while. She hadn't felt like being seen in a while either…but she had to pick up the pieces of her life. She had to stop blaming everyone else for her mistakes.

She pursued K.C. She flirted with him in Clare's face. She had no shame. All she wanted was another girl's guy…and she got it…TENFOLD. Now she was left alone…her baby gone.

She did have Ali but she wasn't where she wanted to be and needed to be. Music was her medicine.

Strumming the strings, she began to sing: "Mr. Perfect I miss the silly games talking on the phone you're driving me insane…"

That song was inspired by K.C…

Did she want him back? She didn't even know herself. There were always going to be feelings for him. They had a child together…even if it wasn't planned.

Looking up, she saw him standing there…outside of the music room….staring at her. Turning her back, she ignored him.

….

"You shouldn't have come to school today…." Alli handed her a tissue as Maya and Tori walked in holding hands.

"This is too much for the both of you." Marisol reinforced as the niners sat down. "I can take on for _Battle of the Brawn_."

"No I need school." Katie said. "…I just need to be here...to keep my mind together for a few hours. Seeing her there…I know she is ok…she will recover…but I don't know what to expect when she begins talking."

"It doesn't matter how she will react. But seeing you there with her…at least shows that you care." Alli said as Clare walked inside the room.

"You don't know our mom." Maya said.

"Umm…Katie….I'm so sorry…." Clare said timidly Katie nodded. As if there wasn't enough tension in the room.

"ummmm…I usually don't ask for help…but can you…..take over the….newspaper for a little bit?" Katie couldn't believe she was asking this question to Clare of all people. She had the drive but was so overbearing. Nevertheless, she was highly qualified.

"….yeah…." Clare said. "…and I am sorry about your mother again."

….

"You guys been training….because I am ready to woop both of you." Owen flexed.

"If I had a dollar for every time you said that." Julian said opening his gym locker, pulling out his phone texting Katie. He knew she needed space, but he also wanted her to know he was there for her….Always. Looking at his phone, he stared at a picture he took without her knowing. He smiled to himself.

"I'm sorry about your girl's mom…." Owen said as Drew put on his shirt. He was going to tell Julian about her this morning…but kept it to himself. It wasn't about him…for once.

"If you need anything….we're here." Drew stated. "Seriously…."

…..

"Nice to see this." Eli said seeing Imogen and Fiona smiling brightly at each other. There had been a spark between them for a while…like him and Clare…still after manic behavior. Looking at the two girls hold hands…he looked up smiling, seeing Clare.

"Yeah…." Fiona said shyly as they sat down on the hallway bench.

"You're sad blue eyes." Eli teased as Clare sat down resting her head on her shoulder.

"I am the temporary editor of the Grapevine." She said with sadness.

"I thought that was what you wanted?" Imogen asked.

"It is…I didn't want to get it this way though…with Katie going through so much." She stated as Eli kissed her forehead.

To his displeasure he saw Jake in the hallway. The two use to be on common ground, now they were probably back to rival enemies.

"….umm Clare…Eli." Jake stated as Fiona and Imogen left.

"…."

"I'm not usually good at serious conversation but this needs to be said." Jake sat down beside them.

"Go on." Eli said sitting up.

"We will be seeing each other every day through these halls…and there are no hard feelings."

"Truce." Eli extended his hand. Clare smiled seeing that Eli was handling the situation in sane manner.

"See you tonight Clare." Jake walked off to next class.

"That was not like him to do that…." Clare stated.

"I respect him though." Eli said as they kissed.

…..

"Jenna….." K.C. walked up to her in the music room.

"I'm ignoring you…." Jenna said playing rudely.

"You might not want to listen to this…but I want you….this…."

"yeah without Tyson….you know what…when life gets hard…you run...you ran from me….and Tyson….now suffer the consequences."

"I wanted to keep Tyson….." K.C. said aggressively.

"yeah….only after I found out about Marisol. Now you are throwing it back up in my face like you are worthy….you are his father…..doesn't matter if he is adopted…you should have wanted him the minute he came into this world…."

"…"

"You only took the job to escape us….you don't know what you want…you never did.."

"I didn't lie when I said I love you…."

"There are different types of love…that wasn't unconditional love." Jena stopped playing walking out of the room.

…

"Julian…thanks again for looking after Katie." Marisol hugged him.

"yeah….she's not pushing me back…she's letting me in…she never ceases to amaze me. I've never met anyone so strong before."

"She really likes you too. When you two are together. I can see how much you care for each other." He only smiled.

The two didn't see Jake walk in the gym. Jake saw them though…and he was jealous. He knew Marisol wasn't into Julian like that, but he was near her. And he was driving himself insane asking himself why he liked her after one good conversation…

It was something about her eyes…and let's not forget her body in a bikini. But they had one thing in common. They had been hurt in relationships and were scared…but had formed an unspoken friendship.

"Jake…." Marisol said with fear.

"Hey…" He rubbed the aback of his head. Julian saw the look in their eyes. They forgot where they both were and didn't want to be the third wheel.

"….you going to pretend you have another class to go to." He asked not seeing Julian walk off.

"…"

"So the gossip queen has nothing to say." rolled his eyes.

"You're right I don't. Why are you so freakin persistent?" Marisol rushed off.

….

What's with the weird face?" Katie asked as Julian sat beside her in the Zen Garden. He had never known a girl to make a ponytail and sneakers sexy.

"Marisol and Jake….." Katie rolled her eyes admiring his arms.

"ummm…close your eyes." She pulled out her chicken spaghetti and fork.

"Open wide." She smiled as she fed him.

"This is good." He smiled.

"I just wanted us to have some alone time where we can just forget about everything for at least 45 minutes." She replayed his words the day he came to her rescue.

"You know what I want to do?" Julian scooted closer to her, pulling her ponytail down.

"….What?" she asked nervously as he wrapped his arms around her waist…touching their lips together. Smiling into the kiss, he gently slipped his tongue inside her mouth. Pulling back, they two smiled.

"I really like kissing you." Katie said.

"Me too." He pulled her back in.

They were so deep in their kiss. They didn't see Drew walk pass them. He only smiled.

…

Maya found herself here….without Katie. Even with the machines beeping…all she heard was silence. Seeing her mother lay there…eyes closed…she touched her face….crying…her tears streamed down her face. Clutching her mother's hand, she felt her grip.

Opening her eyes, she said nothing…but the tears were enough. Sometimes silence was the best noise.

"Mom…."Maya wept.

"I am so sorry."


	20. Heartbeat

Heartbeat

The Fray

Chapter 20

…..

Maya wasn't imagining it. Her mother's eyes were open and alert…and they bore into hers. She knew what her mother was saying to her and she didn't want to hear it. She knew it was her fault. They all knew…at first she couldn't stop beating herself up.

She would not tell Katie what nightmares haunted her. But seeing her mother's emotionless face…made her mad. Made her relive all the emotions she felt at that moment. The blackness in her eyes told Maya that she would never be able to live this down…

"…Maya…" Her mother lightly whistpered. Her throat was dry.

"….I'm not Katie mom. I'm not going to listen to you humiliate me…Even after seeing me here, you still have mean things to say. You need to change…but if you don't. No one will be around you. Why do you think Dad stays away from you?" The blonde walked out the room calling her sister.

…..

"Are you stalking me now? Am I going to have to get Dave's dad." She said to Jake as he stood by her car.

"This coming from someone who keeps running…afraid of something."

"I'm not afraid of anything.

"You're acting childish. What are you scared of? I'm just trying to be your friend"

"You call me childish. You are the one who keeps following me…all because I don't want to be your friend….who cares."

"Apparently you…as much as you are trying to convince yourself otherwise." He walked off.

…

"You had no right telling Mom that." Katie scolded her in the lobby. "How did you get here…"

"I walked."

"She had to know…dad is not here. She is pushing everyone away from her…stop making excuses for her."

"I'm not…but someone has to be in the medium."

"You're the medium and I am the truthful one…and I may have been out of line for saying that. But it had to be said."

"but…."

"Do you think I want this? I wish every day I had a mother like all my friends…who they could share things with. But I don't. And I hate how you think I look to jump on mom…but if I don't stand up to her…you won't. And it's not in your nature to stand up to mom. At school you are fearless and flawless. But with mom…you let her have the power…and I hate seeing it."

….

"K.C. she doesn't want to talk to you ok…" Alli rolled her eyes as she cracked the door open.

"Alli mind your business."

"Excuse me it became my business when she moved in with me."

"Wanna get smacked across the face again." Alli challenged folding her arms.

"Look…I just need to talk to her." Jenna came down the stairs slowly after hearing his voice. She didn't want to see him, but she had to see him. She had to face him. He had to hear how he hurt her. She had to get it off her chest.

"Again….the answer is and will always be….." Alli scoffed.

"…Let him in." Jenna said calmly.

"….." K.C. was shocked seeing her stand at the door. He tried to grab her hand but she pulled it back.

"I just want to say…"

"No let me talk because I need to say this. After Tyson left, I have been running. Running away from everything…and I need to face it head on.

"K.C. It's not about me keeping you out. It's not even about me and you. It's about Tyson. How you just forgot about him.

"You don't know what I feel. I think about him…every day…every second. EVERY minute. He is my son…and I took him away from us." K.C. said. I wanted him and then I didn't. I didn't want the obligation…and I got my wish…now I wish I hadn't. "

"…" Jenna didn't know he felt all of this. "It just hurt when he left us. You wanted us to pick up where we left off before he came. That's not right. And I'm not going to do that. That's why I can't be in the same room as you….and I don't know what I want…but I need space…and you owe me just that." Jenna said as she watched her words process in his mind.

"For once…do something for someone else."

…

"Saw you outside…with Jake. You two looked pretty intense." Dave said as he reviewed the notes for the _Battle Of The Brawn_. Marisol hadn't seen him in the office for so long that she forgot that he was still on student council.

"For what it's worth. You should get to know him."

"Are you saying that because you're scared Jake will go after Alli."

"No I'm saying that because he's cool."

"People can say what they about me and alli's relationship. But it's our business. Yes we do stupid things that hurt each other…but we have too much chemistry and history to be overlooked."

"It's different Dave."

"How? Stop listening to what people say about you. They don't matter and it's making you insecure. You can't stop talk. Is that what's stopping you?"

"No…me myself."

…..

"You know we have to face her right?" Katie said as they held hands.

"Katie…I don't want to. I don't think that I can." Maya rested her head on her sister's shoulder.

"Yes you can….because you are my strength…." Maya could only smile after her sister statement.

"You know. A big sister is supposed to look after her little sister…."

"And you do…."

"But you have done the same for me…and I need you here." They walked inside.

….

As much as K.C. didn't want to hear those words. She was right. He did owe her space. No matter how he felt for her because he forced her into an unbelievable situation.

He felt like he was giving up Tyson again. He was letting go apart of himself…that he didn't know he would get back. And just like Tyson…if Jenna wanted nothing to do with him ever again, he did it to himself.

"If space is what you need, I will give it to you…you and Tyson….but I won't give up on you two." He kissed her forehead leaving walking out the door.

"You ok Jenna." Alli walked down the steps to her best friend as she broke down in her arms.

"Why didn't he want us when it mattered?" She said between sobs.

…..

"The doctor said you will be out of here in about another week." Katie said curtly as she watched her mother sit up slowly.

"Let me help." Maya made effort putting her arm around her mother's shoulder for support.

"…..Thank….you." She said hoarsely.

"Here is some water." Katie poured her a glass. "Don't strain yourself."

"No…I….have to say this." Her mother used her strength to talk.

"Then write it down." Katie handed her a notebook. The two prepared themselves for the worst. She was disappointed in them…but her words would not make her go back to that dark place where she was. She would not throw up or give up Julian. She couldn't give up Julian.

He meant so much to her already.

…

"Ready for the big competition son?" His grandpa asked as they cleared the completion. "By the way, when is Katie coming over again?"

"She's going through a rough time right now. Her mom had a car accident."

"O…I am sorry to hear that. I'll keep her in my prayers." He said as he picked up the photo album. "You know it is times like these in your life where I wish Macey was here. She always understood you in I didn't but none the less…I still love you."

"Old man don't get soft on me." He tried to brush off the sentimental moment.

"I know she is the reason why you fight….she loved it so much…and I have not a clue." He turned the page smiling at the beautiful dark woman in her younger day.

"Yeah…I miss her…but I'm glad I got you too."

…..

Why do you always run into the one person you don't want to see…but unfortunately…need to see? She needed to see Jake…..talk to him, but after her earlier actions…he most likely wanted to stay away from her.

That was what she wanted. She remembered herself telling him this many times. He needed to stay away from her before she did something to hurt him.

Did everyone come to the Dot at the same time? The better question was why did they have to show up at the same time. Seeing her at the counter, he was lost for words. He never had too much to say but he could always back it up with some smart remark.

Trying to not recognize his cologne, she continued her order. Turning her head, she made eye contact but said nothing.

"Marisol speechless twice in a row." He said sarcastically.

"Jake Martin…you never cease to amaze me with your sarcasm."

"And you never cease to amaze me with your….your….you know what….forget it…" He began to walk away forgetting how loud his stomach was growling.

"No wait….I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cause an argument." She grabbed his wrist. "I just….you just got to stay away from me."

"But I don't want to…and you don't want to either…."They continued to look into each other's eyes.

"ummm guys…your orders are done." The server said as the two continue to be in their own world.

….

I wasn't mad at you Maya. I was angry and furious at myself….that I had taken my obsessions too far…and I knew this and I….didn't care because I was trying to fill the void in my heart about your father...but the problem is not you both. It is me…it has always….been me and I am sorry for that." Katie cried looking at her mother who cried too.

"Katie…Maya…" Her voice still hoarse. "You two are best things to ever happen to me. You two are both strong in so many ways. And put you through so many things…especially you Katie."

"Mom…don't talk. You've said enough we can finish this conversation another time. Please just rest. Knowing this is enough."

"But…." Her mother begged.

"No mom. We have always done what you said. Now it is time you listen to me." Katie commanded as her mother slept.

…..

"I must say The Dot can make a good sandwich." Marisol said as she took a bite. Jake couldn't just let her walk away after the way they looked at each other like that.

"yeah they can." She agreed as he brought a soda back from the refrigerator.

"…." He smiled at how cute she ate.

"…."

"Let me speak first." They both said at the same time blushing.

"No let me." Jake said. "I'm not one who does a lot of talking and I know I can annoy you with my sarcasm but I am serious now…I hope you didn't think I was too clingy. It's just you were the first person since I got here…that I made a true connection with. I hadn't had that in a long time. Even with Clare it was never like that." He saw her stare down at the wood floor.

"I…felt it too. And it scared me how quickly it happened." She said.

"You are way too hard on yourself Marisol." He said.

"No I'm not."

"Yes you are because you are punishing yourself to no end…about Katie…about who you use to be."

"But you don't know how I…"

"It doesn't matter…I know how you care about people in your life. That means you're good."

"So you still want to be my friend?"

"Marisol I want…yes." He kept feelings hidden for now. He was content with his friendship with her for now…because he could get to know her. He smiled seeing her laugh at the commercial. He hoped he could keep her laughing.

….

"Ok guys…remember next week. No illegal fighting. Let's not get too caught up in the competition. This is for charity…not for a trophy." Coach Armstrong chuckled.

"Drew…." Owen coughed under his breath as Mo and the other chuckled.

"No seriously guys. We need to give everyone a good show…"

"For newspaper girl?" Owen asked.

"Yeah…and" Julian said.

…

Katie walked inside the house with Maya behind her. Turning on the light, she breathed slowly. It was a different feeling settling on them. The weight was finally being lifted and they could relax and not be suffocated by the mental abuse and the frustration.

Her mother's words meant the world to Katie. She did love her and she was important. Pouring orange juice in a glass. She cried in relief. It was finally over. She didn't have to be perfect…all she had to be was Katie.

….

Mrs. Matlin laid there…in her uncomfortable hospital bed, looking at the ceiling…waiting for sleep to catch up with her. But it was no use, because too much was on her mind…and her heart.

She was trying to tell her daughter that she knew. She knew what was happening in her home…and she chose to ignore it…because no one helped her. No one saved her from her bulimia. How can you help others when you can't help herself.

Every day, minute, hour, second she saw her Katie break little by little…but she nothing of it. She was being selfish…and continuing the cycle of endless torture.

But Katie persevered. She always did. She was stronger than her mother. Both of her daughters were. Maya was so assertive and outgoing. The two sisters loved each other…and for that she was jealous…because she could never have that relationship with her daughters.

The more she found herself wanting to breakdown. She convinced herself she too was being weak. And that was when she unleashed her wrath on them. It made her cry seeing her daughters afraid of her to wake up. Unbeknownst to them, they saved her life.


	21. Interlude: Ordinary Day

Ordinary Day

Vanessa Carlton

Interlude

…..

Katie put her hair in a ponytail…waiting for Julian to come pick her up. She didn't know where he was taking her for their date. She didn't know what to expect when he told her to wear exercise clothes…but she was open to anything now.

She was finally ready to open herself up to him…and not be scared of the consequences or what her mother thought…even though her mother was trying to back off a little bit.

Smiling at herself in the mirror…she didn't know when she began to do this….but she hoped she looked good…a pink Nike shirt and black shorts…..

"Where are you going…?" Maya teased standing in the doorway.

"With Julian…"Katie smiled as she grabbed her bag. Moving freely…so glad her knee was feeling much better.

"oooo….." Her sister puckered her lips. "Someone is in love…."

"Shut up…besides where are you going?" They both headed downstairs.

"To go see mom….." Maya shrugged fidgeting.

"Something wrong…." Katie grabbed water from the refrigerator.

"no just that…I was so hard on her…I never tried to see her point of view…I just kept jumping on her…."

"….."

"…we are still trying to feel each other out…but I am glad we can talk and not end up in an argument."

"That's good." Katie kissed her on her cheek as the doorbell rang. Katie ran to the door in excitement as she opened the door…jumping into Julian's arms.

He was even more surprised when she wrapped her legs around him…spinning her around.

"Ummm you do have an audience." Maya said as they laughed.

"Need a ride." Julian asked.

"Nope…taking the bus….." She smiled leaving for the bus stop.

"So where are we going?" Katie asked as Julian stopped her train of thought…greedily kissing her…but she didn't mind. Her mind not being able to muster a single thought as his tongue played with hers. His hand raising her shirt…feeling her stomach.

"Damn girl…." He broke away as she nearly fell before he caught her.

"Ummm….what were we talking about?" She bit her numb lips.

"Come on…" He laughed.

...

"Come on Mar…" Jake said as they sat in the park. He laid his guitar down…admiring her smile…her everything.

She found herself nervous as the tall boy stared at her...it was the look in her eyes. She was not use to it. Usually boys stared at her like she was a piece of meat…but he was staring at her…like he was actually looking at her.

"Why don't you first…" She insisted. Why did she tell him that she could sing? She didn't actually think he would want to hear her…but over the past days...it seemed like they didn't want to be a part from one another…and when they were apart….they missed each other….

They hadn't kissed yet but at times they both found themselves looking at each other's lips. Jake just had to know everything about this girl…if she would tell him.

Marisol watched as his fingers played expertly the melodic tone of I'm Yours by Jason Mraz. As he sang, he looked into her eyes…hoping she was seeing what he saw…someone beautiful. She blushed admiring his beautiful voice…but she found herself….joining him.

Their voices blended perfectly together…but the fear crept inside of her again….yes Marisol Lewis was scared….she was not scared of a hook-up but she scared of actually having someone who cared for her.

"Marisol…" Jake asked seeing she was scared. He noticed she stopped singing

"Umm…I don't feel like singling anymore…um…I…um…." She stood up as he grabbed her wrist.

Standing up…Jake wasn't listening to her insecurities talk…he leaned in slowly. He just had to feel her lips against his. Closing her eyes, she found herself kissing him back.

"Marisol…please stop running….." He broke away….putting his guitar down…sitting down…bringing her down with him….he straddled her in his lap…as he kissed her again.

…

"Hold out your hands…" Julian commanded as he began to wrap them.

Julian smiled as he saw Katie look like a curious child walking inside the gym. He wanted to get her out of her element. He wanted to show her…she had no limitations. This was the best way he knew how. When he fought, he felt like he was in control.

But the ring was where he belonged. He knew she had never done this before but he wanted to see how she would react to the noises…and his seriousness when he was in the zone.

Katie watched as he expertly punched the bag in front of him. She knew he was strong by his muscles…but she also admired his mental strength…his concentration. Swinging from different directions, she knew he valued this sport.

"Just hold your fists up like this." He placed her fist up.

"I do know Tae Kwon Do…" She laughed.

"Ok…show me what you got Matlin…." He watched her hit the bag…very impressed.

….

"You holding up babe?" Alli asked handing her the Kleenex. She hated seeing her friend like this but she had a feeling she was going to pull through. Because you made the best decision for herself.

"You know what…I actually am…I mean at least with this closure…I can walk through the halls without wanting to retaliate." The blonde said as Dave came from the kitchen.

"…I got the popcorn…" He sat down as Alli leaned on his shoulder. He could tell he came into an intense conversation.

"Clare, Eli, and Adam will be here soon." Alli stated as she watched her friend. Maybe this was a bad idea…the movie night…she didn't need to see them all in love and she just lost the loves of her life.

"Good…" Jenna said. "I need to laugh some."

…

"Jake…." Marisol said breaking away from him.

"No…you are not going to stop this from happening between us." He said rubbing her back.

"but what if…." She asked catching her breath.

"Life is filled with what ifs…what if we don't try this…we will regret it…I have always followed my instincts…and they lead me here." He said.

"….we will take things slow?" She asked. She didn't want to get hurt.

"Yes…." He said watching her think…this could be what she always wanted…a good guy who was drama free…who truly cared for her.

"Ok…" She nodded as she leaned back in giving into her desire.

…

"Very impressive Ms. Matlin." He watched her hit the bag harder and hard. He loved the way her ponytail flared at her quick movements…the look in her eyes of determination.

"That means a lot coming from you." She said as he walked up behind her wrapping his arms around her waist…kissing her on her cheek.

"don't you know how to make me feel beautiful…." She flirted as he pulled her ponytail down.

"Let's finish this somewhere else." He whispered sucking her ear. Katie could only nod…

…

Jenna was happy at her friends being together….but maybe she wasn't as prepared for this as she thought she was. Seeing them cuddling…saying sweet nothings in each's ears was hard. She remembered when she wanted it with K.C….how she had it with K.C….and lost it…and she didn't want it back.

Adam knew how Jenna felt. He had appointed himself the "caretaker" of the group…fixing their problems…but in return…they were forever grateful to him.

"Come on Jenna…let's talk." He grabbed her hand as they walked outside sitting on the step.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be noticeable…" She said. "It's just that I did so much to get K.C. and it turned out…we weren't meant to be together." She shrugged.

"Jenna I know what ever I say won't make you feel better but you have to know that we are here for you…always…" He said as Jenna rested her head on his shoulder as grasped his hand.

….

Julian sat her in his lap as he gently kissed her in his car. They couldn't control themselves…he couldn't overlook the need in Katie's eyes…he had to have her too.

She had never let herself go like this…tongues intertwined….she didn't want it to stop. Her veins caught fire as he began to bite her bottom lip. Julian cheered internally as she moaned…his hand cupped her face…deepening the kiss…as if it wasn't deep enough.

"Damn…." He broke away….because if he didn't...he wouldn't be able to stop.

"…." She inhaled deeply…her mind jumbled.

"too intense for you?" He asked.

"No….Julian…I really like this…us together…"

"Me too…me too…"


End file.
